Starting to Feel Human Again

Today for the first time I am starting to feel human again. Our 31 hour trip home and jet jag really took a tole... not to mention a new baby! Today my mom and dad came over to help get the boys ready and off to school. Yesterday I tried to do this by myself and failed miserably. They were about 20 minutes late for school and there was lots of screaming (mostly from Eden) and it was very stressful. I felt like such a horrible mommy after they left. Eden won't let me out of her sight and won't let me put her down for a minute.. especially in the morning. Sooo... trying to make breakfast, get Luca dressed, pack backpacks up, help with getting boots on etc. was really hard. Plus, I had to drive the boys which meant getting Eden in her snowsuit and car seat... which she is not thrilled with. Anyway, thankfully things improved throughout the day. Eden will now play a bit on the floor and crawl around as long as I am sitting with her in the room. She also will sit in the high chair if distracted with food and if I am in eyesight. I know I need to be holding her as much a possible for bonding and attachment (and I am) but my back needs a break sometimes and with two other children I sometimes need to put her someplace safe so that I can help them with their needs as well. That has been the toughest... trying to be there and spend time with all of them. I missed them soooo much being gone and now I feel like I still miss them because now they are at school and when they are home I am so busy with Eden. I remember feeling this way when I had Luca and the guilt I felt about not being able to give Adrian my 100%. I know things will get better.

... and they are getting better

Eden slept in her crib last night for the first time. She has been sleeping in my bed with me up until last night. She is a crazy sleeper... all over the bed. I talked to my social worker last night and she agreed that it just isn't safe to have her in my bed with me. She also agreed that transitioning her right to the crib as opposed to to a portable crib in my room or sleeping on the floor would be best... one less change. She must like it because she slept through the night. I had to go in a few times and pat her butt but she went back to sleep and slept from about 9:30 - 8:30 this morning! Wooooo Hooooo! I really needed the sleep too!

Today we had her first well visit with our doctor. She did pretty well. Cried only when she had to lay on her back (which she always does) and when she had to sit in on the scale. The doctor said she looked great... healthy and happy. She is on target with her growth and development. She is now just over 19 pounds and is in the 55% for her weight on the American growth chart. She has met all of the milestones for her age. He said that it looks like she had great care in Korea.

After the doctor my mom and I met Ron for lunch. She sat in the highchair (WOW!) and ate her poofs. She was very happy.

Then we went to Target to get some formula and other essentials. She did great on her first shopping trip!!! No tears!

Also... she is now liking her car seat! She fell asleep in it and is currently still sleeping in it as I type!


Best of all... the biggest change I have seen is that she is so much more relaxed. She isn't as tense or worried. Her arms were not clenching on to me and she didn't have a worried little whine. She is happier and feeling more confident. We are getting there.

Quick thanks to my parents and Ron's parents who have been working so hard helping us with everything. I don't know what I would do without you!!!

A couple of pics...

On the plane.

Getting freshened up at the airport.