One year ago the phone rang...

and we got our travel call!!!! The call came sooner than expected as we were told the wait for travel would be around four months from referral. The call came in the later part of the morning while I was at work. How I managed to keep it together I will never know.

After the kids went to bed we spent several hours figuring out our travel plans. We had to work around Ron's work schedule, Christmas, and my nieces baptism... not to mention crazy prices for flights. It was so stressful because I was ready to just hop on the next flight! It is a very good thing that there were so many events to keep me busy until our departure day... January 1st.

20 Months Old

Eden turned 20 months old on Friday.

Two nights ago Ron and I found ourselves laughing out loud as we lay in bed recalling all of the funny things Eden has been doing lately. She is a funny girl. Her newest and funniest thing she is doing lately is pretending to walk into something and say, "Uhhhh" with this strange inflection... over and over again... to make you laugh. She is putting on a little show.

Another super cute things she does is.... She will throw her typical freak out when she wants something screeching, fake crying, stomping her feet. We will then ask, "What do you want?" She will immediately stop and in the most girlie sweetest softest voice say, "dink." (drink) The way she says it is just so sweet and cute... so the opposite of what she was doing just seconds before.

More good stuff...

* She totally knows what, "What do you want?" means. WHICH IS GREAT!!!!!

* She is saying too may words to list anymore!

* She is still into Elmo and we have added two new Elmo movies to our collection. She knows the Sesame Street logo too. Today while at church there was a Sesame Street book face down with only some words and the logo showing. As soon as she saw it she said, "Elmo!" She also recognizes Christmas carols from her Elmo Christmas movie when she hears them on the radio. If one comes on she will say "Elmo!"

* She has a new nickname... The Claw. She scratches. Sometimes she will scratch other kids if she thinks that someone will take her toy. Sometimes she scratches if a child has a toy she wants. And sometimes she will scratch for no reason at all. She has drawn blood. I now have to be vigilant in keeping her nails trimmed down to nothing. I have mentioned before how much she enjoys getting her nails cut. Ugh. Can't wait till this phase passes.

* So far Christmas is a hit. She likes this waaayyyy better than Halloween. She loves the decorations, music, and cookies. We decided not to put our tall tree up in our family room this year because I figured I would find her 1/2 way up the tree one day. Instead we removed our chandelier in our dining room, took the furniture out and now it just holds our smaller Christmas tree and some decorations. She loves to go in there and look at the tree and stuffed animals. She was napping when I put the tree up. When she came downstairs the first thing she said was "Wow."

* Ron's parents came in from New York to celebrate Christmas with us. Eden unwrapped her first Christmas present. It didn't take long for her to figure out what to do. She was into it!

* Eden is now outgrowing most of her 12-18 month clothes. I hate that she can no longer wear some of my favorites. Good thing I have my two little nieces to pass her things on to.

* She calls all babies "Mia."

* She has the WORLD CUTEST run. Tippy toe, bouncy, happy little baby run.


I love this little girl so much!!!! She is just so precious. I love seeing her personality come through. We may have another class clown on our hands!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

Another Step Forward in Attachment

Yesterday I had an appointment after work but needed to stop home real quick before leaving for my appointment. My in-laws were in town and were watching Eden. When I walked in I was greeted with a screaming, running, smiling, sweet hello. She was so happy to see me. :) I gave her a quick hug and then turned to leave. Well... then the tears came. "Maaamaaaaa... Maaaamaaaaa!" This was a first! I thought that maybe it was a fluke... but then this morning she cried for me again as I left for work. Same sad, "Mama"... with real crocodile tears.

Although I really hate leaving her upset (she calmed down with her favorite distraction... food) and it breaks my heart to leave her.... I can't help but smile. See... up until now she hasn't shown a real preference towards me. She seems to tolerate me and seems to like me alright... but nothing more than that. She let me into hear world, but not into her heart. I felt like she knew I would meet her needs and was a comfort to her, but if I left tomorrow she wouldn't really care. I was replaceable. She never put up a fuss when I have had to leave her before. Although she is happy to see me, my "hellos" pale in comparison to the ones she gives to Daddy. There were even days when I would get home from work and she would grab my mom's leg and cry because I was home. Talk about rejection. It's been tough. For a while I felt like a servant.. feed me, clothe me, comfort me, get me what I want. All the while I keep waiting for something. Some little sign that I have have broken through and have entered her heart... that she didn't just want someone to be with her... but that she wanted ME to be with her.. that I have something that no one else has... that she has set me apart. I know it is selfish.. after all she has been though... focusing on my need to feel "special." I wonder how long it would take me to love again if everyone and everything I have ever loved and known was taken from me. She has done remarkably well, considering.

Honestly, what makes me even happiest is knowing that she feels confident and safe enough to let me in a little bit... to start to love me.

19 Months Old

Eden celebrated her first Halloween this past month. It took me quite some time to find the perfect costume... a strawberry, Little Red Riding Hood, Minnie Mouse... but I ended up finding the cutest pumpkin costume on Etsy! I have to say she looked adorable!!! She really seemed to like her costume too! Other than that... Halloween was a bust. She really disliked the whole pumpkin carving bit... she actually was spitting and gagging when we cut it open. She didn't seem to care for the smell and wouldn't touch the seeds/guts. Eden is going through a phase where she hates having he picture taken. She will be fine and the minute to take the camera out she will start to throw a fit! Sooo it took forever to get a decent picture of her in her costume. I needed LOTS of distractions! Plus she is so very busy that it is difficult for her to hold still long enough to even take a picture. Thanks to Uncle Jay I did manage to get one good one! She didn't get into trick or treating... not that I figured a 19 month old would. She just wanted to pull the wagon. I am curious to see if Christmas will be more her speed.


More cool stuff...




* She continues to be a super funny kid! I can't help but laugh when she crinkles her nose up and smiles.

* She still loves to be chased and will screech and scream but then runs into your arms instead of away from you.

* She LOVES Adrian. She asks for him all the time. If she doesn't know where he is she will say, "A-den ho-keee." She must have figured out that if Adrian is not home, chances are he is at hockey.

* She has a great sense of direction. She will start calling out, "Nonna, Papa" when we pull into my parents subdivision. She will also say "hockey" when we pull into the rink. She really freaked me out though when we were driving and were stopped at an intersection near my sister's house. She started saying, "Tee Tee" and pointing in the direction where we would need to turn to get to her subdivision.


* She is starting to put two words together... Mama All Done (I guess that is three!), Mia Night Night (three again)

* She does the same thing each day when we arrive home. We will get out of the car and she will start saying, "ReeeRoooo" (Hero) and will run to his crate. She will then let the dog out. Next she will start saying, "Elmo" over and over and over and over... until you put the Elmo DVD in.


* She LOVES her BFF and cousin Mia. She asks for her daily. She will go to her picture and say, "Mia" and then run to the front door and reach to open it. It's her way of saying that she wants to go to Mia's house.

* She has a new love in her life besides Barney... Elmo. She has one Elmo Christmas DVD. We basically have it playing on a loop. She will watch it for just a few minutes but if you turn it off she will go nuts. This morning as I crawled out of bed one of the songs was playing in my mind over and over. "It's almost Christmas, It's almost Christmas, It's almost Christmas Daaaayyyyyaaayyyyaaayyy." Ugh.

* She hates to have her hair done or nails trimmed and will throw a giant fit when either needs to be done.

* She loves raspberries with a passion.

* She loves to "help" me do laundry. She will help put the clothes into our out of the washer and dryer. Her favorite part though is shutting the big door.

* She is in a scratching phase. She actually drew blood on a child at church last week. She will grab and dig her nails into faces. Nice. She will do this if someone has a toy she wants or if another child looks interested in a toy she has. Sometimes though she will just do it for no reason at all. I hope this phase passes quickly.



Eden has been home with us for ten months and the days are just flying by. I can't believe how much she has changed when looking at pictures of when we first brought her home. It seems that time seems to move 15 times more slowly when you are waiting to bring your child home. Once your child is finally home time seems to move 15 times more quickly!

We are so blessed and honored to have this beautiful child as our daughter. She is more than I ever dreamed.

Referral Day Video

I wanted to get this post out for our referral day anniversary... but didn't have time.

18 Months Old

It surprises me just how much Eden grows and changes each month. She is such a precious perfect gift.

This month she is...

* Eden started going to an in home day care three days per week while I am working. She did great with the transition... I had been worrying for months. I LOVE her screaming, running, smiling hello when I pick her up each day.

* Eden said... Adrian! Well... it was more like "Aaaden" but it was clear as day. It's so cute. I thought for sure she would say Luca's name first because Adrian is such a hard name to say!

* She likes to throw her dirty diaper in the garbage after I change her.

* She loves coming home and letting our dog out of his crate.

* She likes to say "no"... a lot.

* She is back to drinking bottles. After a few months of rejecting them, she is back on a bottle kick and will ask for one often.

* I love the way she asks for a cracker... "rrrr rrrrr."

* I don't know if I ever wrote that she can do a somersault and will do one if you ask her to. She has done this for months.

* It has been six months since she had her ears pierced and can now wear regular earrings!

* She loves sleeping and going to bed. When I say it's time for night night she giggles and runs for the stairs. I pick her up and she lays her head on my shoulder. She then waves to everyone as I take her up the stairs.

* She still thinks burps are hilarious and will fake burp and laugh.

She makes us laugh all the time. She is so funny and cute. I so wish her birth mother knew what an amazing child she is. I so wish she could see the miracle she brought into this world.

Adoption Day

Finalization Tomorrow

The "adopting" chapter comes to a close tomorrow. I couldn't be happier. Although, adoption will always be part of our lives, the days of paperwork, social worker visits, waiting, waiting some more, etc... are finally over. I would do it all again in a heartbeat... but... I am thrilled to be stepping off this insanely wild roller coaster ride and just getting on with life.

Tomorrow is such a very special day. Tomorrow Eden legally becomes our daughter and a United States citizen. I hadn't given it much thought about finalization day until recently. I had spent countless hours envisioning our referral day or the day we finally would meet Eden... but not this one. I am not sure why. Maybe it's because the thought of this process actually being completed was out of the rheum of what I thought possible or something. Now that it is actually here, it is more special than any of the days leading up till now. Sure the referral was super exciting. One of the best days of my life. The day we met Eden and the day we brought her home are up there as well. However, each of those days were such a mix of emotions.

The referral was a day of disbelief, relief, excitement, happiness, along with a shot of off the charts adrenalin. I was high as a kite... and then the anxiety set in. The what if's, the worry, the obsession with the time line to bring her home. I hardly ate for days and would be so hopped up on anxiety and adrenalin I would get the shakes. I suddenly didn't feel the need to sleep. I lost my mind a little bit.

The day we finally met Eden was so surreal. I remember feeling numb. My emotions were on overload and just sort of shut down. Sure, I was super excited and happy... but it just didn't feel real. I remember riding to the foster families home and Ron taking some video. He turned the camera on me and asked, "How do you feel?" I remember wondering why I was so eerily calm. It was like I was watching what was happening in front of me like it were a movie. I wasn't really there.

The day we received Eden is one that is one that I had thought would be the most exciting... and it was exciting. This was the day I had waited for for three and a half years. However, the last moments we spent with her foster mother were excruciating. It was a tearful goodbye that left everyone in tears... including our caseworker who does this for a living. We all met at the SWS office... us, our case worker, and Eden's foster mom. Eden's foster mother's demeanor was different from the first time we met. She was more standoffish... like a little wall had grown overnight. She wasn't unfriendly, but not the warm bubbly person we had met the day before. I know that she was probably trying to distance herself, protect herself from the hurt that would be coming... trying to be strong. We signed the required paperwork, went over Eden's schedule, went through the bags of items Eden's foster mother gave to us, and asked some specifics about how warm she likes her bottle, how she likes to be held... things only a mother knows. We then entered the hallway where the elevator was. Eden's foster mother carried her. I was told to take her from her arms. Her foster mom started to cry. We took one last picture together. She came over to Eden and through her tears talked to her. I wish I knew what she said. She stroked her face. I wished so badly to be able to talk to her, hug her, assure her, console her. I felt so cold just standing there holding what felt like her child while she said her goodbyes. I now wish I would have tried to do or say something. I wasn't expecting that moment. I wasn't prepared. I don't know what I thought was going to happen. I didn't expect to feel so guilty. I just stood there frozen. We were told to get into the elevator. The last image was of the foster mother bending over crying and one of the workers trying to console her. The doors to the elevator closed. Ron, our case worker and I were all crying. The sadness was so thick... it was hard to breathe. Then Eden laughed. She laughed her Woody Woodpecker laugh as if she knew she had to do something to break the tension. She was smiling her dimpled smile and then we were all laughing and crying at the same time. Sooooo this is hardly a day I would say was the best.

Each of these days has been bittersweet. Such a mix of thrill, love, excitement, happiness, anxiety, worry, and... loss. The day we received her referral was the day she lost the opportunity to be adopted within her own country, her own culture. The day we received Eden was the day she lost the only family that she has even known. The day we brought Eden home was the day she lost her country, language, everything familiar. So much loss. And that loss will never go away. It will always be there, always be felt... if even just a fraction.

But tomorrow is different. Tomorrow is not about loss. Tomorrow is about GAINING a forever family and another country. There are no goodbyes, no unknowns, no fear...


This is what makes tomorrow so special... and the happiest day in our journey to Eden.

Wordless Wednesday... Heat Wave

Finalization Court Date!!!!!!!

Our social worker just called and said that she received word from the Macomb County Court that we will finalize on August 6th!!!!!! I am so excited! It will finally be official... what we have known in our hearts since the day we held her picture in our hand... she will be ours forever.

Go South Korea!!!!!

Had to share...

We received a package from Eden's foster family in the mail today. They sent a beautiful family photo, a letter, and a doll for Eden's first birthday. I am shocked and so thankful. We are so blessed to be forever connected to this loving family.

14 Months

* She has two molars now.

* She loves chasing games. She loves when I crawl around the carpet and chase after her. She laughs and runs and flings herself into the couch.

* She has said "Papa" once or twice... clear as day. However, when you try to get her to say it she won't.

* We went to the park for the first time. She loved the swing for about 30 seconds. Once she looked down she kind of freaked out. Mostly she just liked walking up and down the step that lead to the playground. Fun Stuff!

* I think that one of her favorite things about summer so far is.... ICE CREAM.

* She hates to wear shoes and/or socks. Most of the time I don't even bother putting them on because she can take every pair she owns off in about 2 seconds.

* Bathing is still horrible. I don't get it at all. She LOVES to swim and play in the water. The minute we enter the bathroom and I start undressing her she starts screaming. I have tried every bathroom in our house and the kitchen sink. She is better when I hold her in the shower but that is not always possible. You would think that by now she would realize that the shower/bath is not a horrible thing. Once in a while she will seem to enjoy the bath but then the next time she is right back to screaming. I just don't know.

* I think that she gets cuter by the day. I just look at her and she takes my breath away. I know that I am her mom... but geeeeezzzz this girl is so stinkin' cute I can hardly stand it sometimes. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, her smile... I mean it is just crazy how darn pretty she is.

* She loooooves her cousins. She goes crazy for Griffin especially and he is so sweet with her. It is really cute how both Mia and Eden get so excited when they see each other too. She had so much fun playing with Carson in his pool last weekend and Carson got a kick out of her too.

* She still prefers Ron or men in general.... other favorites are Papa and Uncle Jay. You should see the greeting they get when she sees them!

* Eden had her ears pierced. I made Ron take her for several reasons... mostly though because she already prefers him and I really didn't want another strike against me. She screamed the entire time including just sitting in the doctor's office so it was hard to tell if the actual piercing hurt. The earrings have not bothered her at all though and she only seems to fuss when I am cleaning them because she doesn't want to be bothered.

* We have our last post placement visit next month! We will then receive a court date for finalization!

* She does the cutest thing... while holding her on your hip she will bend over and tilt her head so she is looking at you. She has the cutest "I know I am being cute" smile on her face. I can't help but laugh and kiss her when she does it!

* She hasn't picked up any additional words. She is using the word "mom" for more or I want. I have heard her say "no" and "Papa" but she doesn't use them consistently.

* She does not like the word "no" and can throw a fit like nobody's business. My mom says that she is "determined"... that is the nice way of saying she is STUBBORN!!!!!

* If you laugh... she will laugh. The boys love this and will fake laugh to get her to laugh... which makes them laugh and then gets her going again.

Dol

I had the best time at my Dol party!!! Mommy and Daddy rented a nearby multipurpose hall so that we could invite all of our friends and family. Mommy found lots of items on the Little Seouls website... my invitations, tol poster and tickets, candles... lots of stuff. Mommy made a big poster that had lots of pictures of me on it. I wore my hanbok for the first party of the party.




Mommy also made another poster explaining the toljabee. Adrian was in charge of making sure everyone voted and had their tickets.


When it was time for me to choose the Toljabee items Mommy set me on the table. The first thing I chose was a stethoscope and the second thing I chose was the piggy bank. Looks like I am going to be a wealthy doctor. Mommy was really excited about that for some reason.



Next, I changed into my pink tutu that Tee Tee (Aunt Emily) made for me.



Next Mommy lit the candles...


...and everyone started singing. I couldn't take my eyes off of Mommy the whole time. She sings really bad.


I blew out my candles and got so excited I just had to give Luca a hug. Everyone thought this was really cute.


My cherry blossom blue bird cake was delish!


Next, we opened up my presents... and there were a lot of them!



I felt like such a princess!!!!