Friday, March 19

Kind of at a loss...

I need some input on this one.

My Luca has been wrestling with something and I am not sure how to handle it. Over the past couple of weeks he has been coming to me with concerns about me dying. I am not sure where this is coming from. No one we know has died recently. The only thing that may have sparked this is a conversation about our dog several weeks ago. He asked if Hero was going to die. I told him that Hero is still a young dog and he is very healthy. I told him that Hero will probably be around for a long time but... just like all living creatures, Hero will die one day. All living things eventually die, it is just part of life. I went on to tell him not to worry about those kinds of things and to enjoy the day and think happy thoughts. Well, since that time... he has come to me almost everyday... sometimes more than once very upset. It seems to come out of nowhere... at Target, after getting off the bus, while on a walk, bedtime. He is very emotional and when he talks his little voice breaks and there are tears and it is so upsetting. Last night the conversation got a little deeper...

Luca- I don't want you to die before me.
Me- Mommy isn't old and I am very healthy (already feel like I am not being honest here... not all people who die are old... but I just have to give him SOME reassurance.) I plan on being around for a very long time.
Luca- But you are older than me. Daddy is older than me. Adrian is older than me. I am only 5. One day I will have no Mommy, no Daddy, and no brother. I will have no family.
Me- Deep Breath... my heart is breaking One day you will get married and you will have children and they will be your family too. Eden is younger than you. You will ALWAYS have a family.
Luca- Will God take care of me?
Me- God will ALWAYS take care of you.
Luca- When I have children will the babies be in my stomach?

That is where the conversation took a turn. :) I don't know how to handle this one. I will NOT lie to him and say that I am not going to die. It is very important to me to be honest with my kids even when it is hard. Although Luca is bright he is immature. Talking to him about death still needs to be very basic. I just don't know what to say to him that will comfort him. Like I said, this keeps coming up. I feel like I'm not saying the right thing.

What should I be telling him???

9 comments:

Lynn said...

Maybe sharing with him about Heaven and how eventually you will all be together again forever.

Elizabeth@Romans8:15 said...

I wish I knew. It seems like you are doing everything right, but we haven't gotten to this point with our kids yet.

Elizabeth Frick said...

Wow, what a deep topic for such a little guy! Wish I had good advice for you, but I'll be learning from other comments...

Debbie Sauer said...

It's normal for kids to do this. Just keep doing what you are doing and eventually he will move onto other things. I've been through this several times. Have a good weekend. Blessings, Debbie

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if any of his friends at school had a lost of family member or pet recently? Has he seen any tv program that dealt with death? Just a few possibilities. Lynn's idea about sharing heaven is awesome. love & peace

cindy said...

You have an amazingly sensitive and intelligent boy! I guess you just have to keep reassuring him and have him say his prayers at night! Hopefully, something will replace this train of thought.
Cindy

Jen said...

We went through this with Jake and Zach, but more with Zach (he's 7 now, and it think it was last year when it came up so much). I distinctly remember having the exact same conversation with my mom at about the same age. She told me "Jennifer, mommys and daddys are SUPPOSED to die before their children, but we plan to be around for a very long time...maybe we will even see know your grandchildren. But no matter what, when someone we love dies, they are always with us. They are always alive in our hearts." I remember that what she said comforted me, so i passed it along to my boys and they seemed OK with the explanation. Good luck. What a sweet boy you have.

Christy said...

My 6 year old just started having the same concerns. I wish I knew more about what to say but it sounds like you did well! Actually my 6 yo is also afraid of dying himself as well so we're struggling on that front as well. Someone suggested to us books about heaven. Good luck!
~Christy
www.threelittlemonkeysjumping.blogspot.com