Wednesday, December 10

Swimming Across A Lake

You start off and it doesn't look that far. You see the land... hey, I can do that. I'm young and strong... I have never swum across a lake before... but I think I can handle it. Plus, that land across the lake is really beautiful and you have wanted to go there for so very long. You jump in and start swimming, really swimming... and it feels good. You are moving, headed towards the shore. You can practically feel the sand between your toes as you swim toward your destination. After a while you start to tire, so you try not to think about it. You start to think about other things but are still moving... automatic pilot. You are able to keep your mind busy but all the while you are fighting to keep that nagging pain that is beginning to develop, out of your head. You have been in the water a while now and have come to the realization that there is a pretty strong current. One that was not seen from the shore before you dove in. For every stroke you make you are pushed back three times the distance. You keep swimming... who knows... maybe the current will let up? It doesn't. In fact it gets stronger the longer you are out there. Your head is just bobbing above the water... barely a glimmer of land ahead. You start to panic... will I make it? How long can I go on like this? You keep swimming but slower now... you are getting very tired. Negative thoughts and fears enter your mind and start to circle you like a shark. You are not swimming anymore. You are just being taken by the current. You realize that this lake is a whole lot bigger than you thought it was. The sliver of land in front of you has long disappeared. You begin to wonder if you are even headed in the right direction.


Lynn said...

It started out as a Lake and then became an ocean...

You made me cry, remembering that feeling of hopelessness and lack of control.

Gods timing/our timing, when they are not the same, it is incredibly difficult. Yet it is only Him that gets me through times like that.

Praying you find peace, and answers.

Love you.

Anonymous said...

Hi, it's Darci. I linked here fom Em & Jay's blog and my heart goes out to you for having to wait, wonder and hope for all this time.
Your rescue boat WILL come and then you will be motoring to shore... hang on to your life preserver.
Adrian and Luca are so beautiful, love the pics!

Kevin, Jake and Violet said...

It's there. It will happen. I promise.
You'll be waiting, wading through the joys and sorrows of this life anyway, so you might as well bring your daughter home in the end.

Jay and Emily said...

This post makes me so sad. I am so sorry you feel like you are swimming across a lake/ocean. You really are though..... what better reason to have the faith and keep up the swimming than to get to your child? She is worth it and she is waiting for you. I believe with all my heart that God has the perfect child for you. He has the master plan and it is perfect. It might not seem like it now but I know you know it is perfect. Keep swimming! She needs you to swim! Have faith! Lean on us! We love you - E

Anonymous said...

If you really look at this world and what plays out - then you know how things can change in a second. Keep hope alive and know that God is much bigger than an ocean.

Lynn said...

Listen to you wise, mother. What God divine's for us, is so much more than we could ever hope for. I am living proof of that!

NOW... post something funny! Enjoy your snow day!