Our Journey to Eden

One Year Home

2011-01-17T08:43:00.000-05:00

What happened next...

2011-01-10T18:12:00.005-05:00

After we left our visit with our sweetie we drove back to the SWS guesthouse. We visited the reception center where Eden lived for the first three months of her life. I will post some video of that soon too. We then went across the street for dinner. The food was good but not as good as the meal we had in Insadong. We then went back to our room and I did some cleaning. I even borrowed the vacuum cleaner! I set everything up for bringing Eden back to our room the following afternoon. I remember not sleeping well that night. I was excited to finally get getting our sweet girl, but more I was nervous and saddened by what I knew would be a painful day for Eden and her foster family.

The next day we went to the SWS office building and we caught a glimpse of Eden and her foster mother as they entered the doctor's office for Eden's last check up. We then went upstairs and waited in the room with the yellow couch. This is the same room where Eden (and most SWS babies) have their referral pictures taken... Mickey Mouse wallpaper, yellow couch, big cream bear, Pororo airplane toy. Not too much later, Eden and her foster mother arrived. She handed us Eden and must have left to do some paperwork. We took some video and then she returned. We all played together until the SWS worker was ready. I treasure those moments. As I sat on the floor with Eden and her foster mother I remember praying somehow, someway Eden would remember all of us together playing. We signed some paperwork and spent a great deal of time going over the contents of bag after bag of items from SWS and Eden's foster mother. We needn't bring anything with us to Korea... they gave us enough supplies to last us for a week! :0) It is a very good thing we had brought an empty suitcase with us for everything.. and even that wasn't enough. We also talked about her schedule and Eden's foster mother answered some questions. I have video of her singing a song she would sing to her when she was putting her to sleep. I have posted before about the last moments before leaving SWS with our daughter. It all happened so quickly and it was very very sad. After we left the office we walked back to the guesthouse. We brought Eden up to our room and just kind of hung out for a while. Already she was like glue and I couldn't set her down for a minute. She cried pretty hard for about an hour and finally fell asleep on top of me. We both napped for about an hour or so. She was alright when she woke... no crying. We had some dinner... Ron got Domino Pizza and we made some rice for Eden. She made quite a mess so we tried giving her a bath. That was a no go. She freaked out. She cried for a little while again and then fell asleep on me. She didn't wake when I put her in bed next to me and slept through the night. We had to wake her up in the morning to catch a ride to the airport the next morning. More to come!

One Year Ago

2011-01-04T09:57:00.003-05:00

One year ago today I met my sweet little girl.

I had plans of posting pictures and writing about each day of our trip... but we have had one illness after another at our house and I have not had the time or energy. I also plan on writing about Christmas... oh, I am so behind.

This video will have to do...

One year ago the phone rang...

2010-12-16T09:54:00.000-05:00

and we got our travel call!!!! The call came sooner than expected as we were told the wait for travel would be around four months from referral. The call came in the later part of the morning while I was at work. How I managed to keep it together I will never know.

After the kids went to bed we spent several hours figuring out our travel plans. We had to work around Ron's work schedule, Christmas, and my nieces baptism... not to mention crazy prices for flights. It was so stressful because I was ready to just hop on the next flight! It is a very good thing that there were so many events to keep me busy until our departure day... January 1st.

20 Months Old

2010-12-05T21:04:00.012-05:00

Eden turned 20 months old on Friday.

Two nights ago Ron and I found ourselves laughing out loud as we lay in bed recalling all of the funny things Eden has been doing lately. She is a funny girl. Her newest and funniest thing she is doing lately is pretending to walk into something and say, "Uhhhh" with this strange inflection... over and over again... to make you laugh. She is putting on a little show.

Another super cute things she does is.... She will throw her typical freak out when she wants something screeching, fake crying, stomping her feet. We will then ask, "What do you want?" She will immediately stop and in the most girlie sweetest softest voice say, "dink." (drink) The way she says it is just so sweet and cute... so the opposite of what she was doing just seconds before.

More good stuff...

* She totally knows what, "What do you want?" means. WHICH IS GREAT!!!!!

* She is saying too may words to list anymore!

* She is still into Elmo and we have added two new Elmo movies to our collection. She knows the Sesame Street logo too. Today while at church there was a Sesame Street book face down with only some words and the logo showing. As soon as she saw it she said, "Elmo!" She also recognizes Christmas carols from her Elmo Christmas movie when she hears them on the radio. If one comes on she will say "Elmo!"

* She has a new nickname... The Claw. She scratches. Sometimes she will scratch other kids if she thinks that someone will take her toy. Sometimes she scratches if a child has a toy she wants. And sometimes she will scratch for no reason at all. She has drawn blood. I now have to be vigilant in keeping her nails trimmed down to nothing. I have mentioned before how much she enjoys getting her nails cut. Ugh. Can't wait till this phase passes.

* So far Christmas is a hit. She likes this waaayyyy better than Halloween. She loves the decorations, music, and cookies. We decided not to put our tall tree up in our family room this year because I figured I would find her 1/2 way up the tree one day. Instead we removed our chandelier in our dining room, took the furniture out and now it just holds our smaller Christmas tree and some decorations. She loves to go in there and look at the tree and stuffed animals. She was napping when I put the tree up. When she came downstairs the first thing she said was "Wow."

* Ron's parents came in from New York to celebrate Christmas with us. Eden unwrapped her first Christmas present. It didn't take long for her to figure out what to do. She was into it!

* Eden is now outgrowing most of her 12-18 month clothes. I hate that she can no longer wear some of my favorites. Good thing I have my two little nieces to pass her things on to.

* She calls all babies "Mia."

* She has the WORLD CUTEST run. Tippy toe, bouncy, happy little baby run.

I love this little girl so much!!!! She is just so precious. I love seeing her personality come through. We may have another class clown on our hands!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T11:27:00.002-05:00

Another Step Forward in Attachment

2010-11-23T10:05:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I had an appointment after work but needed to stop home real quick before leaving for my appointment. My in-laws were in town and were watching Eden. When I walked in I was greeted with a screaming, running, smiling, sweet hello. She was so happy to see me. :) I gave her a quick hug and then turned to leave. Well... then the tears came. "Maaamaaaaa... Maaaamaaaaa!" This was a first! I thought that maybe it was a fluke... but then this morning she cried for me again as I left for work. Same sad, "Mama"... with real crocodile tears.

Although I really hate leaving her upset (she calmed down with her favorite distraction... food) and it breaks my heart to leave her.... I can't help but smile. See... up until now she hasn't shown a real preference towards me. She seems to tolerate me and seems to like me alright... but nothing more than that. She let me into hear world, but not into her heart. I felt like she knew I would meet her needs and was a comfort to her, but if I left tomorrow she wouldn't really care. I was replaceable. She never put up a fuss when I have had to leave her before. Although she is happy to see me, my "hellos" pale in comparison to the ones she gives to Daddy. There were even days when I would get home from work and she would grab my mom's leg and cry because I was home. Talk about rejection. It's been tough. For a while I felt like a servant.. feed me, clothe me, comfort me, get me what I want. All the while I keep waiting for something. Some little sign that I have have broken through and have entered her heart... that she didn't just want someone to be with her... but that she wanted ME to be with her.. that I have something that no one else has... that she has set me apart. I know it is selfish.. after all she has been though... focusing on my need to feel "special." I wonder how long it would take me to love again if everyone and everything I have ever loved and known was taken from me. She has done remarkably well, considering.

Honestly, what makes me even happiest is knowing that she feels confident and safe enough to let me in a little bit... to start to love me.

19 Months Old

2010-11-08T20:03:00.017-05:00

Eden celebrated her first Halloween this past month. It took me quite some time to find the perfect costume... a strawberry, Little Red Riding Hood, Minnie Mouse... but I ended up finding the cutest pumpkin costume on Etsy! I have to say she looked adorable!!! She really seemed to like her costume too! Other than that... Halloween was a bust. She really disliked the whole pumpkin carving bit... she actually was spitting and gagging when we cut it open. She didn't seem to care for the smell and wouldn't touch the seeds/guts. Eden is going through a phase where she hates having he picture taken. She will be fine and the minute to take the camera out she will start to throw a fit! Sooo it took forever to get a decent picture of her in her costume. I needed LOTS of distractions! Plus she is so very busy that it is difficult for her to hold still long enough to even take a picture. Thanks to Uncle Jay I did manage to get one good one! She didn't get into trick or treating... not that I figured a 19 month old would. She just wanted to pull the wagon. I am curious to see if Christmas will be more her speed.

More cool stuff...

* She continues to be a super funny kid! I can't help but laugh when she crinkles her nose up and smiles.

* She still loves to be chased and will screech and scream but then runs into your arms instead of away from you.

* She LOVES Adrian. She asks for him all the time. If she doesn't know where he is she will say, "A-den ho-keee." She must have figured out that if Adrian is not home, chances are he is at hockey.

* She has a great sense of direction. She will start calling out, "Nonna, Papa" when we pull into my parents subdivision. She will also say "hockey" when we pull into the rink. She really freaked me out though when we were driving and were stopped at an intersection near my sister's house. She started saying, "Tee Tee" and pointing in the direction where we would need to turn to get to her subdivision.

* She is starting to put two words together... Mama All Done (I guess that is three!), Mia Night Night (three again)

* She does the same thing each day when we arrive home. We will get out of the car and she will start saying, "ReeeRoooo" (Hero) and will run to his crate. She will then let the dog out. Next she will start saying, "Elmo" over and over and over and over... until you put the Elmo DVD in.

* She LOVES her BFF and cousin Mia. She asks for her daily. She will go to her picture and say, "Mia" and then run to the front door and reach to open it. It's her way of saying that she wants to go to Mia's house.

* She has a new love in her life besides Barney... Elmo. She has one Elmo Christmas DVD. We basically have it playing on a loop. She will watch it for just a few minutes but if you turn it off she will go nuts. This morning as I crawled out of bed one of the songs was playing in my mind over and over. "It's almost Christmas, It's almost Christmas, It's almost Christmas Daaaayyyyyaaayyyyaaayyy." Ugh.

* She hates to have her hair done or nails trimmed and will throw a giant fit when either needs to be done.

* She loves raspberries with a passion.

* She loves to "help" me do laundry. She will help put the clothes into our out of the washer and dryer. Her favorite part though is shutting the big door.

* She is in a scratching phase. She actually drew blood on a child at church last week. She will grab and dig her nails into faces. Nice. She will do this if someone has a toy she wants or if another child looks interested in a toy she has. Sometimes though she will just do it for no reason at all. I hope this phase passes quickly.

Eden has been home with us for ten months and the days are just flying by. I can't believe how much she has changed when looking at pictures of when we first brought her home. It seems that time seems to move 15 times more slowly when you are waiting to bring your child home. Once your child is finally home time seems to move 15 times more quickly!

We are so blessed and honored to have this beautiful child as our daughter. She is more than I ever dreamed.

Orphan Sunday

2010-11-07T17:50:00.000-05:00

Today is Orphan Sunday.

Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Adoption Awareness Month post 2

2010-11-02T17:04:00.008-04:00

When I was a little girl, if you would have asked me how many children I would have one day, I would have said five. I most likely would have told you that I was going to adopt a Chinese baby too. No joke. Not sure exactly where that came from. Honestly, part of it came from my fear of childbirth... and probably because I have always thought that Asian people are so beautiful. I remember wishing I had Asian hair and Asian eyes.

Things sort of worked out the way my ten year old mind envisioned. Instead of "Chinese" we have a Korean born daughter. Instead of five kids... we have three. Three is a lot. No doubt about it. I can't imagine having five... or four. Not while working anyway. I know people do it, but I know that for me personally I can't take on one. more. thing.

But then... I see a face. A face of a child waiting for a family.

...and then I wonder... does my heart, my home, my leave from work, my schedule, my wallet, my children, my piece of mind, my husband... have room for one more? A mixed bag. Some resounding YES's and some HUGE no's.

It's hard to be in the adoption arena and know what I know and see what I see and not feel like... I should be doing more. Scratch that... I WANT to do more.

You see that face and you think...
I want to love you. I want to hold you. I want to show you and teach you and be there for you. I want to tuck you in at night. I want you to know the love of a family.

Some faces haunt me and I will have to check over and over again to see if anyone has stepped forward to adopt them. Many of the children on these lists have special needs. Some are severe but many are not. Some are on lists because of age alone.

This child has been waiting on the Rainbowkids site for a year.

These two cute guys are likely still waiting because they are boys, over the age of 2, and have some malformations of their fingers and/or toes. I have had students who have had missing fingers and never once did it stop them from doing anything. This is such a minor need. Yet they wait.

... and there is this sweet girl

Although I have not read her full file... her "special need" is so minor. It doesn't appear that she will need future surgeries or therapies or medication. Her age is likely the reason why she is still waiting. I just want to reach out and cup that sweet face in my hands.

There are hundreds and hundreds more children on these lists... from all different countries... all deserving of a family.

I know that there will always be "that face" that calls to me. Even if I adopted 100 kids... I know that my heart would always want do adopt more. For now, I need to focus on the three little faces that greet me each morning. I need to love them, teach them, tuck them in to bed at night... and I am blessed beyond measure. So, I will do what little I can for these waiting children... advocate for them, pray for them, and encourage families out there to learn more.

If you are interested in learning more about these waiting children the following website has many links to photo listings. But be forewarned... you may see the face of a child that will steal your heart.

Come Unity

November is...

2010-11-02T15:22:00.003-04:00

ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH. I am going to *try* and do some posts about adoption in support. This blog really has suffered since Eden has come home. I am now a working mother of three active kids. There isn't a whole lot of time to spare. Most days I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. My house is never clean, there are always piles of laundry to be done, and I can count on one had the number of days per month that we don't have something planned for after school. Hockey practices (for two kids), hockey games (for two kids), drum lessons, church group meetings for the kids, church volunteer days for me, doctor appointments, work meetings... ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Most of it is all good... just busy.

I have thought several several several times about ending the blog. I don't think that there are very many readers anyway. ... but then I will get an email (like I did today) from someone I never met telling me how reading this neglected and poorly written blog (my opinion) has somehow helped them. Whether it be using our agency, changing countries, encouraging them during the wait or deciding on adopting... this blog has helped someone. For that reason... I will continue.

First up for adoption awareness month... a video created by a adoptive family. This family frequents a Korea adoptions forum that I am a member of. They collected pictures from other members and made this video. Eden is not in the video as I never had the 10 minutes it would have taken to send in a picture. Enjoy!!!!

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-30T23:08:00.001-04:00

Referral Day Video

2010-10-12T12:24:00.001-04:00

I wanted to get this post out for our referral day anniversary... but didn't have time.

18 Months Old

2010-10-04T16:01:00.007-04:00

It surprises me just how much Eden grows and changes each month. She is such a precious perfect gift.

This month she is...

* Eden started going to an in home day care three days per week while I am working. She did great with the transition... I had been worrying for months. I LOVE her screaming, running, smiling hello when I pick her up each day.

* Eden said... Adrian! Well... it was more like "Aaaden" but it was clear as day. It's so cute. I thought for sure she would say Luca's name first because Adrian is such a hard name to say!

* She likes to throw her dirty diaper in the garbage after I change her.

* She loves coming home and letting our dog out of his crate.

* She likes to say "no"... a lot.

* She is back to drinking bottles. After a few months of rejecting them, she is back on a bottle kick and will ask for one often.

* I love the way she asks for a cracker... "rrrr rrrrr."

* I don't know if I ever wrote that she can do a somersault and will do one if you ask her to. She has done this for months.

* It has been six months since she had her ears pierced and can now wear regular earrings!

* She loves sleeping and going to bed. When I say it's time for night night she giggles and runs for the stairs. I pick her up and she lays her head on my shoulder. She then waves to everyone as I take her up the stairs.

* She still thinks burps are hilarious and will fake burp and laugh.

She makes us laugh all the time. She is so funny and cute. I so wish her birth mother knew what an amazing child she is. I so wish she could see the miracle she brought into this world.

One Year Ago Today....

2010-09-16T20:14:00.003-04:00

we got the call. We saw our baby's face for the first time. What a wonderful day it was!

A referral picture and Eden looking at her referral picture

More to come on how we celebrated our first referral day anniversary. For now... I am too tired to post anything more than this. :)

17 Months old and 8 Months home

2010-09-03T09:53:00.009-04:00

Our sweet, smart, beautiful girl is seventeen months old today. She is a ball of energy, funny, and way to bright for her own good. She can be trouble with a capital T... going from one "no no" to another... like she has a radar for things she is not supposed to do. She has the BEST smile in the world and nothing on the Earth feels better than her little arms wrapped around you. Here's more....

* She is just too dang smart and determined. Her goal each and every day is to find a way to escape from her play area. Mind you.... it is our entire family room. The room is basically her play room.... just a couch, chair, TV and about a million toys. She has the run of the place. There are several large gates blocking the three entrances into the room (darn open floor plan) to keep her in a safe area in the house. Well, from the moment she is in the room she is looking for a way out... and she has found several. One is to just ram her way out with all of her body weight and strength. This will bust open one of the sides. I now have to wedge a chair into that corner to keep it from happening. She will also slowly move her entire toy bin out of the way and fit through a tiny not humanly possible opening between the gate and stairs. My personal favorite though is that she will drag her chair over to the side of the gate and stand on it and try to climb over. I couldn't believe it when I saw her do this!!!! Without the chair she will find other things go drag and stand on. It's nuts. One day I set her in the family room and ran upstairs to put some clothes away. I am upstairs in her bedroom and the next thing I know... I turn around and she is standing right behind me... smiling of course. She broke out, went all the way up the steps (alone!), and found me. Scary.
Here she is caught in the act...

* She makes the same noise for all animal sounds. She growls. So if she sees a bird, dog, fish... whatever... she says, "grrrrrr".... so funny. Our chiropractor has a full size spine model in his office which she thinks is an animal because she growls at it whenever we are there. :)

* She is repeating everything now and learning lots of new words. She knows when we say, "Say....." that she is to repeat the word. It is so cute. Some new words are... apple, please, cracker, up, Hero (our dog), outside

* She now waves to everyone as I bring her upstairs for bed or nap. It is so cute.

* She gave her first kiss!!!!! It wasn't for me and in fact she hasn't kissed me ever... but it couldn't have been sweeter. My sister's daughter Mia was over. Mia is six months younger than Eden. She got so excited to see her that she ran over and started hugging her. Then, she pulled back, puckered up, and kissed her right on the lips! It was so adorable! Up until that point I had no idea she even knew how to kiss. Sure.. she gets kissed about a thousand times a day... but she had never given one.

* She still loves Barney and really likes Mickey Mouse. She says "Baaaaneeee" and will sing "I llllaaaaaaaa" for the "I Love You, You Love Me" Barney song. She will say "Meee Mooouuuu" for Mickey Mouse. It is adorable.

* She understands just about everything you tell her. If you tell her that we are going bye bye, she will run to the front door, try to put on her shoes, and pound on the front door. She usually adds, "Ouuusiiiii" while doing so.

* She attracts a ton of attention. People are always stopping to talk to her and complementing on how cute she is. I am amazed at how many people stop us who have adopted or know someone who has.

* We received her new birth certificate. It lists her birthplace as Korea but lists us as her parents.

* She is still a screamer but less often. I think she is catching on that she doesn't get what she wants when she screams.

* She loves babies... real ones.

* She is still better with bath time. She is not crazy about getting water on her head.. but overall she is much better with it than a few months ago.

* She thinks that she can do whatever the boys are doing... which is hilarious and scary at the same time. She wants to play what they are playing, go where they are going... and when she can't... look out!!!!! She gets mad.

* She is still a great sleeper. She hardly ever protests going to bed.

* She has been home with us eight months now. This is the longest she has lived in one place in her life.

She is full of happiness and joy. You can't help but feel it when you are around her. She makes me laugh all the time. I continue to be in awe of her beautiful face. Ron thinks she is the most beautiful baby in the world and is always saying, "just look at her" and stares in amazement. He thinks she should be on posters and agency advertisements for adoptions... "If she were on the advertisements, there wouldn't be any babies without families." I love that.

With all of her beauty, it is hard to imagine her being anything but a perfect little angel. We know better. This girl is trouble. She reminds me of the Elvis song...

You look like an angel
Walk like an angel
Talk like an angel
But i got wise
You're the devil in disguise
Oh yes you are
The devil in disguise

but I wouldn't have her any other way!!!!! Wellll..... most days. ;0)

Taylor Nicole

2010-08-21T20:37:00.007-04:00

Introducing my new precious niece!!!!! I have not seen her in person as they live in Canada... but will very soon!!! I can't wait to hold her! Congratulations Tommy and Niki!!!!

Adoption Day

2010-08-09T16:18:00.004-04:00

12 Year Anniversary

2010-08-08T14:36:00.002-04:00

I so wish I could rewind and live this perfect day all over again.

Finalization Tomorrow

2010-08-05T09:43:00.000-04:00

The "adopting" chapter comes to a close tomorrow. I couldn't be happier. Although, adoption will always be part of our lives, the days of paperwork, social worker visits, waiting, waiting some more, etc... are finally over. I would do it all again in a heartbeat... but... I am thrilled to be stepping off this insanely wild roller coaster ride and just getting on with life.

Tomorrow is such a very special day. Tomorrow Eden legally becomes our daughter and a United States citizen. I hadn't given it much thought about finalization day until recently. I had spent countless hours envisioning our referral day or the day we finally would meet Eden... but not this one. I am not sure why. Maybe it's because the thought of this process actually being completed was out of the rheum of what I thought possible or something. Now that it is actually here, it is more special than any of the days leading up till now. Sure the referral was super exciting. One of the best days of my life. The day we met Eden and the day we brought her home are up there as well. However, each of those days were such a mix of emotions.

The referral was a day of disbelief, relief, excitement, happiness, along with a shot of off the charts adrenalin. I was high as a kite... and then the anxiety set in. The what if's, the worry, the obsession with the time line to bring her home. I hardly ate for days and would be so hopped up on anxiety and adrenalin I would get the shakes. I suddenly didn't feel the need to sleep. I lost my mind a little bit.

The day we finally met Eden was so surreal. I remember feeling numb. My emotions were on overload and just sort of shut down. Sure, I was super excited and happy... but it just didn't feel real. I remember riding to the foster families home and Ron taking some video. He turned the camera on me and asked, "How do you feel?" I remember wondering why I was so eerily calm. It was like I was watching what was happening in front of me like it were a movie. I wasn't really there.

The day we received Eden is one that is one that I had thought would be the most exciting... and it was exciting. This was the day I had waited for for three and a half years. However, the last moments we spent with her foster mother were excruciating. It was a tearful goodbye that left everyone in tears... including our caseworker who does this for a living. We all met at the SWS office... us, our case worker, and Eden's foster mom. Eden's foster mother's demeanor was different from the first time we met. She was more standoffish... like a little wall had grown overnight. She wasn't unfriendly, but not the warm bubbly person we had met the day before. I know that she was probably trying to distance herself, protect herself from the hurt that would be coming... trying to be strong. We signed the required paperwork, went over Eden's schedule, went through the bags of items Eden's foster mother gave to us, and asked some specifics about how warm she likes her bottle, how she likes to be held... things only a mother knows. We then entered the hallway where the elevator was. Eden's foster mother carried her. I was told to take her from her arms. Her foster mom started to cry. We took one last picture together. She came over to Eden and through her tears talked to her. I wish I knew what she said. She stroked her face. I wished so badly to be able to talk to her, hug her, assure her, console her. I felt so cold just standing there holding what felt like her child while she said her goodbyes. I now wish I would have tried to do or say something. I wasn't expecting that moment. I wasn't prepared. I don't know what I thought was going to happen. I didn't expect to feel so guilty. I just stood there frozen. We were told to get into the elevator. The last image was of the foster mother bending over crying and one of the workers trying to console her. The doors to the elevator closed. Ron, our case worker and I were all crying. The sadness was so thick... it was hard to breathe. Then Eden laughed. She laughed her Woody Woodpecker laugh as if she knew she had to do something to break the tension. She was smiling her dimpled smile and then we were all laughing and crying at the same time. Sooooo this is hardly a day I would say was the best.

Each of these days has been bittersweet. Such a mix of thrill, love, excitement, happiness, anxiety, worry, and... loss. The day we received her referral was the day she lost the opportunity to be adopted within her own country, her own culture. The day we received Eden was the day she lost the only family that she has even known. The day we brought Eden home was the day she lost her country, language, everything familiar. So much loss. And that loss will never go away. It will always be there, always be felt... if even just a fraction.

But tomorrow is different. Tomorrow is not about loss. Tomorrow is about GAINING a forever family and another country. There are no goodbyes, no unknowns, no fear...

This is what makes tomorrow so special... and the happiest day in our journey to Eden.

16 Months Old

2010-08-04T15:15:00.010-04:00

Another month come and gone. Here is what Eden is up do now....

* She is a climber! She has discovered that she can climb up on the couch and chair. She tried to climb the gate as well. Oh boy.

* She is the complete opposite of the baby we brought home seven months ago. My quiet, contented, take anywhere baby... has been replaced with a insanely loud, active, easily irritated, fiery, into everything toddler. She has a mind of her own and can throw a tantrum like nobody's business. SHE IS SOOOOOOO NOT AN EASY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Her language development has sparked over the past month. She has added "all done", "up", and "e-i-e-i-oooooo" into the mix. She will try to repeat lots of words I say but most come out not sounding quite right. She will get the sing song pattern of what I am saying but will just use "ma" as the word.

* Bath time is now fun!!! It only took seven months but we finally convinced her that she doesn't need to scream bloody murder! I have proof....

* She weighs 22 pounds and is tall for her age on the American growth chart.

* She has figured out how to unzip and take off her sleep sack. She will have it totally off when I get her out of her crib in the morning. Oh, and she likes to take her diaper off too.

* She loves to read books. I love when she squats down to look at one. Like this...

* I have found that if we are going anywhere it is best to wait to put on any shoes or socks and not to do her hair/put in hair bows until we arrive at our destination. I think that removing them is her way of getting back at me for making her ride in the car seat. :)

* If you ask her where her eyes are, she will blink real hard. If you ask her where her nose is, she will point to yours.

* It appears that she really likes Barney. Oh brother.

* She LOVES to brush her teeth!

* She is down to one or sometimes two bottles. She LOVES her morning bottle and will cry for it even if you give her other food. She rarely drinks her night time bottle anymore though.

This little girl is a handful. She is super curious, smart, headstrong, independent, and fearless.... all great qualities. However, they can also make mommy's life a little nutty!!!!!!

She really is the most beautiful child I have ever seen. I look at her and she takes my breath away. Even when I am tired and frustrated... I look at her and marvel in her beauty.

Flashback Friday- Big Hair Edition

2010-07-30T09:20:00.003-04:00

High School 1991
I'm the second from the left.
For the record... it was impossible for your hair to be "too big." The bigger the better.

Summer

2010-07-22T12:10:00.003-04:00

This sure has been a different summer. It seems to be flying by but it also seems like we haven't done much. We have taken a couple of trip up north but day to day... we are kind of stuck. Having a baby at home sure changes things. Usually the boys and I have a jam packed schedule... swimming, nature trails, library, picnics, play dates, etc. This summer I find it difficult to do much at all. Our beloved trips to the library where we could spend hours reading and browsing have turned into mad grab and go dashes. Let's just say that Eden isn't exactly a quiet child. Swimming and spending time outside need to be scheduled around naps/lunch/and Eden's daily mood. Trips to the movies or shopping need to be scheduled prior with a babysitter. Soooo most days are spent at home. It is just so much work to prepare and take her places. She HATES her stroller and has only fell asleep in it once (our trip to the zoo.) Most of the time she spends shriek screaming to get out. She has figured out how to get out of her stroller even with the five point harness. She can also wiggle out of a shopping cart belt in two second flat (all the while screaming and people staring.) My sister and I have dubbed her the new David Blaine. She would rather be carried but once she gets tired of being in the Ergo she will scratch, pull my hair and bite me in order to get down... and once you do let her down she refuses to hold your hand or walk in whatever direction your would like her to. My independent shrieking contortionist. It is out of control. I am not saying that she does this EVERY time we go out... but it has happened enough to make me really evaluate if a particular trip is worth the risk. Keep in mind too that all the while I also have a very active/distractable/no-fear six year old that I can't take my eyes off of for a second. Ugh.

I am board. My boys are board.

At the same time we have made such strides in attachment this summer. I love not working and being able to spend so much time with Eden (and my boys.) I feel like she has bonded so much more with me. It isn't until she starts doing things that she hasn't done before that I really see how far we have come. She is so much more affectionate with me now. She now "melts" into me when I hold her and will lay her head on my shoulder. I am able to calm and soothe her much more quickly now as well. When I was working it seemed that the minute I would walk in the door she would start to fuss. My mom would say, "she has been good all day, so happy, she is such an easy baby." The total opposite of what she would be like for me. I HATED it. Now that I am home with her I can see that from about 5:00 - 8:00 she is just fussy. I hate that I am not home during her happy hours of the day while I am working. I am DREADING going back to work. I worry that all the progress she has made with me is going to disappear. I worry about yet another change for her.

We have about one month left of summer vacation. Today we have a trip to the library planned after Eden wakes from her nap. We have our books already requested and on hold (via the library website) so that we can just drop off the old and grab the new if we need to. :) We will just have to see.

Wordless Wednesday... Recent Favorite Photos

2010-07-14T14:49:00.004-04:00

Flashback Friday- Poo Poo Edition

2010-07-09T10:24:00.001-04:00

Yup, that's poop. Luca was/is always full of surprises.

Wordless Wednesday... Heat Wave

2010-07-07T17:01:00.000-04:00

15 Months

2010-06-29T13:22:00.004-04:00

Our girl is 15 months old! Each month she amazes me with how much she has grown and changed.

* A lot of teeth have come in within the past month. She has several molars now and the two teeth on either side of her top front teeth are in as well.

* Her vocabulary is growing. She has added "Daaayeee" (Daddy) which I love! She also says "Uhhh Ohhhhh" when she drops her food/juice. Sometimes she says it and then drops the juice. She also says "oowww." She will pinch or scratch and then say "oowww." This is one that I don't care for. She now uses about four words regularly. I am told that four words is fine at this age especially with her only hearing English for six months. She understands a lot more language than she can express.

* She LOVES swimming. She can't get enough of the water... which makes her bath time screams even more confusing for me.

* She loves the outdoors

* We continue making strides with attachment. The ability to comfort her when she is hurt is something that until recently hasn't happened. She walks pretty well, but on occasion she will fall. This leads to some tears. When I would pick her up to comfort her she would stiffen and cry loudly as though it wasn't soothing. She wouldn't protest or cry harder, but it just didn't seem to make any difference that I was trying to make her feel better. About two weeks ago she fell into the windowsill and hurt her eye.. poor baby. She stood and cried loudly. I went and picked her up and she relaxed in my arms and put her head on my chest. I spoke softly to her and she stopped crying. I felt like that was a big step in our attachment process.

* It is amazing that at 15 months of age that she has such a point of view.. she has her own ideas and her own wants. She wants to run the show. :)

* She loves to blow raspberries and laughs her Woody the Woodpecker laugh after each one she blows. She finds it wildly entertaining and gets such a kick out of making you laugh with this special trick. She will soak the entire front of her shirt blowing raspberries. Why do they call is blowing raspberries anyway??? Hmmmm.

* She is still screaming/shrieking but less than before. She still does it daily though. Just today she was up in her crib making that obnoxious noise and I thought to myself that is doesn't even sound like a sound a human being can make. It really is quite ridiculous. It sounds more like a whistle or the sound your car makes when it needs new breaks.

* She will sleep just about anywhere. When we were up north she went right to sleep and slept through the night in her portable crib... thank goodness!!!!

* She will try to wink! She cracks up if you wink at her and then she tries to do it and just blinks kind of hard and laughs. I have to get it on video!

* She is BUSY BUSY BUSY. She doesn't quit! Always on the move!

* She still loves food. I have found that she will eat until she vomits. I don't know if this is normal... I am thinking not. For now, I am just monitoring the amount of food she is eating. Not sure if this is adoption related or just age or what. She loves food. She can't stand to see someone eating or drinking ANYTHING in front of her. It doesn't matter if she just ate or if she has a different food in front of her. She wants all the food. That means at dinner time she wants whatever is on the table... even stuff she can't have. She could have a tray full of food and you could be across the room and pull out a cracker... she will want it and scream.

* This morning she while eating breakfast she burped loudly. Well, the boys started cracking up so guess what happened.... she started fake burping and then laughing. Oh boy. It actually was pretty funny... but I hope it doesn't become one of her new tricks to get people to laugh.

Time is flying by. I can't believe how much she has changed since we brought her home. Ron and I were just looking at pictures the other night from the night we arrived home. She is so small. I'm trying to enjoy every moment because it does go by so fast.

Finalization Court Date!!!!!!!

2010-06-29T10:40:00.002-04:00

Our social worker just called and said that she received word from the Macomb County Court that we will finalize on August 6th!!!!!! I am so excited! It will finally be official... what we have known in our hearts since the day we held her picture in our hand... she will be ours forever.

Summer Vacation

2010-06-23T09:59:00.009-04:00

Hurray!!!! Summer vacation is finally here!!! We finally have time to do the things we really enjoy or better yet... nothing at all! This morning I walked by Adrian's bedroom and he called out, "Where do we have to go today?" It was so great to reply, "Nowhere!" We got up and I had time to make pancakes, sausage, and eggs for breakfast. I also actually had time to sit and eat with the boys... a luxury that I am not afforded while working. My house is relatively clean, we stayed up late and watched a movie last night, it's 10:30am and only Eden is dressed, and even with the rainy forecast I know that we will still have fun today. Ahhhh... summer.

Last weekend we made our first of several trips to northern Michigan. This trip we hit Lake Michigan, Charlevoix, and Traverse City. The cabin where we stay has a stream and the boys enjoy fly fishing, catching bugs and frogs, and just plain getting dirty. We had a really great time. Eden LOVED it and was easier than she is at home. She is such a little adventurer. She slept through the night and was so happy the whole time. Hero came too... he loves it the most!

Charlevoix

Lake Michigan

The Lodge

Korean Market Locations

2010-06-21T15:36:00.002-04:00

For those interested... here are some links to Korean Markets

Click here for markets organized by state

and here too

here is a link to the market I went to (HanMi Market in Troy, Michigan)

and a list of markets in Michigan

This is the first Pororo item I have seen at the market. I specifically asked for Pororo videos but since they are actually made in Japan, the market said they wouldn't/couldn't carry them??? I was surprised to see the table there. They also had another one in blue. There were several of each color available and were $29.

Happy Shopping!!!
:)

Korean Market

2010-06-16T15:16:00.011-04:00

Hey Everyone! Guess what Mommy found at the Korean market today...

Yes, she picked up more bulgogi marinade and Korean soda... and my favorite snacks. But she also found......

A Pororo table just for me! It's just my size!!!

It has a cute little drawer to put my treasures into.

I can pound on it and make some music!

I like to crawl under it too!

But... can you guess what my FAVORITE thing to do with my new table is????

Yup! crawl on top of it! I have only fallen a few times. I guess it is good that it is a really short table.

Okay, I have played with the table for about 5 minutes now... off to find something else to do. See ya!

Go South Korea!!!!!

2010-06-12T09:53:00.002-04:00

Happy 11th Birthday Adrian

2010-06-09T21:54:00.003-04:00

Eleven years ago my first baby was born. My chubby, blond, curly haired, dimpled baby boy. Although he was a colicky baby he quickly became a very easy toddler... and has been pretty easy ever since. He has a heart of gold. I have never known a child or even an adult as kind, loving, sensitive, and sweet. He is the kind of person I strive to be... patient, honest, thoughtful, helpful, and virtuous. I love him more than I ever thought it was possible to love a person.

I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. I so enjoy him. I just love being with him... weather we are having one of our talks, running errands, or hanging out at home. Just being near him makes me happy.

Have to run. Chicago is up 3 to 2 in the third period and my sweet boy just asked me to come and watch the rest of the game with him. You know I can't say no.

Happy Birthday beautiful boy.
:)

Had to share...

2010-06-08T21:14:00.002-04:00

We received a package from Eden's foster family in the mail today. They sent a beautiful family photo, a letter, and a doll for Eden's first birthday. I am shocked and so thankful. We are so blessed to be forever connected to this loving family.

Bathing Beauty

2010-06-07T17:35:00.003-04:00

click to see larger

14 Months

2010-06-01T21:35:00.008-04:00

* She has two molars now.

* She loves chasing games. She loves when I crawl around the carpet and chase after her. She laughs and runs and flings herself into the couch.

* She has said "Papa" once or twice... clear as day. However, when you try to get her to say it she won't.

* We went to the park for the first time. She loved the swing for about 30 seconds. Once she looked down she kind of freaked out. Mostly she just liked walking up and down the step that lead to the playground. Fun Stuff!

* I think that one of her favorite things about summer so far is.... ICE CREAM.

* She hates to wear shoes and/or socks. Most of the time I don't even bother putting them on because she can take every pair she owns off in about 2 seconds.

* Bathing is still horrible. I don't get it at all. She LOVES to swim and play in the water. The minute we enter the bathroom and I start undressing her she starts screaming. I have tried every bathroom in our house and the kitchen sink. She is better when I hold her in the shower but that is not always possible. You would think that by now she would realize that the shower/bath is not a horrible thing. Once in a while she will seem to enjoy the bath but then the next time she is right back to screaming. I just don't know.

* I think that she gets cuter by the day. I just look at her and she takes my breath away. I know that I am her mom... but geeeeezzzz this girl is so stinkin' cute I can hardly stand it sometimes. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, her smile... I mean it is just crazy how darn pretty she is.

* She loooooves her cousins. She goes crazy for Griffin especially and he is so sweet with her. It is really cute how both Mia and Eden get so excited when they see each other too. She had so much fun playing with Carson in his pool last weekend and Carson got a kick out of her too.

* She still prefers Ron or men in general.... other favorites are Papa and Uncle Jay. You should see the greeting they get when she sees them!

* Eden had her ears pierced. I made Ron take her for several reasons... mostly though because she already prefers him and I really didn't want another strike against me. She screamed the entire time including just sitting in the doctor's office so it was hard to tell if the actual piercing hurt. The earrings have not bothered her at all though and she only seems to fuss when I am cleaning them because she doesn't want to be bothered.

* We have our last post placement visit next month! We will then receive a court date for finalization!

* She does the cutest thing... while holding her on your hip she will bend over and tilt her head so she is looking at you. She has the cutest "I know I am being cute" smile on her face. I can't help but laugh and kiss her when she does it!

* She hasn't picked up any additional words. She is using the word "mom" for more or I want. I have heard her say "no" and "Papa" but she doesn't use them consistently.

* She does not like the word "no" and can throw a fit like nobody's business. My mom says that she is "determined"... that is the nice way of saying she is STUBBORN!!!!!

* If you laugh... she will laugh. The boys love this and will fake laugh to get her to laugh... which makes them laugh and then gets her going again.

The End

2010-05-23T09:21:00.002-04:00

So tonight it's all over. No more LOST. I am so sad. For those of you who may also be mourning... check out this funny clip. May put a smile on your face. hehehehe

Germs Germs and more Germs

2010-05-20T16:47:00.003-04:00

Our family doctor can thank us personally for making his car payment this month. Ugh.

Luca... 7 days of fevers, double ear infection, nasty case of impetigo on his FACE, missed 7 days of school

Adrian...strep throat, missed two days of school

Eden... now on day three of a fever, I stayed home from work today without pay

Luca finished the last dose of his antibiotic and sure enough Eden woke with a fever the next morning. Four trips to the doctor within three weeks... fun stuff!

CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-19T22:09:00.001-04:00

Last Regular LOST Episode

2010-05-18T14:52:00.005-04:00

Tonight is the last regular episode of LOST. Sunday will be the 2 1/2 hour finale. Over the past six years, I have looked forward to LOST nights. I usually DVR them and watch them a little later than they air so I can fast forward through the commercials. The next day I visit my favorite LOST blogs, look at the "Easter Eggs", and check to see if anything was posted on the Entertainment Weekly LOST page. I print off the recaps to read during my lunch hour and then bring them home and give them to my mom to read. I'm sad this is all going to end. It's been so much fun.

Ben Speaking to Richard Alpert - "I want you to bring me the man from Tallahassee." [S3E13]

Ben Speaking to Jack Shephard - "This'll be your last chance, Jack. I'm telling you. Making that call is the beginning of the end." [S3E23]

Ben Speaking to John Locke - "Because I have a man on their boat." [S4E2]

CharlieSpeaking to NO ONE / UNKNOWN - "Guys, where are we?" [S1E2]

Charlie Speaking to Jack Shephard - "No offense, mate, but if there's one person on this island I would put my absolute faith in to save us all it would be John Locke." [S1E13]

Charlie Speaking to Jack Shephard - "Locke? The guy's a freak of nature. Highly disturbed. Chances are he probably killed all his mates at the post office the day his mum forgot to put a cookie in his lunch tin." [S1E13]

Charlie Speaking to Desmond Hume - "It's the 5 best moments of my...sorry excuse for a life. My greatest hits. You know...memories. They're all I've got. " [S3E21]

Daniel Speaking to Desmond Hume - "Something familiar in both times. All this, see this...is all variables. It's random. It's chaotic. Every equation needs stability, something known. It's called a constant. Desmond, you have no constant. When you go to the future, nothing there is familiar. So if you want to stop this, then you need to find something there. Something that you really, really care about....that also exists back here, in 1996. " [S4E5]

Desmond Speaking to Jack Shephard - "To run like the devil's chasing you. My excuse. I'm training." [S2E1]

Desmond Speaking to Jack Shephard - "I push this button every 108 minutes. I don't get out much. " [S2E3]

Desmond Speaking to John Locke - "I think I crashed your plane." [S2E24]

Desmond Speaking to John Locke - "I'll see you in another life, brother. " [S2E24]

Desmond Speaking to Charlie Pace - "You're going to die, Charlie." [S3E8]

Hurley Speaking to John Locke - "Stop. Wait. Stop we can't do this. Stop it. Stop it. We can't. Stop. Don't light it. We can't do this. We can't do this. Stop. Wait. You've got to stop it.The numbers are bad. Stop. What are you doing? Why did you do that?" [S1E25]

Hurley Speaking to NO ONE / UNKNOWN - "4 8 15 16 23 42. 4 8, we're dead, 15, doomed and dead, 16 23..." [S2E1]

Hurley Speaking to Sun Kwon - "So, Seoul. Is that in the good Korea or the bad Korea?" [S2E5]

Hurley Speaking to Charlie Pace - "Look, I don't know about you, but things have really sucked for me lately and I could really use a victory. So let's get one, dude. Let's get this car started. Let's look death in the face and say "Whatever, man". Let's make our own luck." [S3E10]

Hurley Speaking to NO ONE / UNKNOWN - "Attention Others. Come in Others. If you're listening to this, I want you to know that we got you bastards. And unless the rest of you wanna be blown up you best stay away from our beach... " [S3E23]

Hurley Speaking to Sayid Jarrah - "Yeah… I saw you snap that guy’s neck with that break dancing thing you do with your legs. I think I’ll hang back here." [S4E3]

Jack Speaking to NO ONE / UNKNOWN - "If we can't live together... we're going to die alone." [S1E5]

Jack Speaking to Tom - "I'm going to lead my people up to the radio tower...and I'm gonna make a call...and I'm gonna get them all rescued...every one of them...and then I'm gonna come find you...and I'm gonna kill you. " [S3E23]

Jack Speaking to Kate Austen - "We have to go back!" [S3E23]

Locke Speaking to NO ONE / UNKNOWN - "This is my destiny!" [S1E4]

Locke Speaking to NO ONE / UNKNOWN - "Don't tell me what I can't do." [S1E4]

Locke Speaking to Jack Shephard - "I've looked into the eye of this island and what I saw was beautiful." [S1E5]

Locke Speaking to Jack Shephard - "A leader can't lead until he knows where he's going." [S1E5]

Locke Speaking to Charlie Pace - "Struggle is Nature's way of strengthening it." [S1E7]

Locke Speaking to The Island - "I've done everything you wanted me to do. So why did you do this to me?!" [S1E19]

Locke Speaking to Jack Shephard - "We're gonna need to watch that again..." [S2E3]

Locke Speaking to Sun Kwon - "I'm not lost anymore." [S2E5]

Locke Speaking to Desmond Hume - "Don't mistake coincidence for fate." [S3E5]

Locke Speaking to Ben Linus - "That's what immediate means Ben. Your wondering why it hasn't happened for you. You're not recovering as fast as you'd like. How long's it been since Jack fixed ya? A week? Now that I think about it, how'd you get sick in the first place?" [S3E13]

Locke Speaking to Ben Linus - "I'd say I hope that box is big enough to imagine yourself up a new submarine." [S3E13]

Michael Speaking to Walt Lloyd-Porter - "Waaaaaaaaaaalt!" [S1E25]

Mr. Eko Speaking to Michael Dawson - "And then one day, the boy confessed to me that he had beaten his dog to death with a shovel. He said the dog had bitten his baby sister on the cheek and he needed to protect her. And he wanted to know whether he would go to hell for this. I told him that God would understand, that he would be forgiven, as long as he was sorry. But the boy did not care about forgiveness. He was only afraid that if he did go to hell, that dog would be there waiting for him." [S2E22]

Sawyer Speaking to Jack Shephard - "You're just not looking at the big picture, Doc. You're still back in civilization. Me? I'm in the wild." [S1E3]

Sawyer Speaking to Hurley Reyes - "Skeletor seems to like it. Bottom's up!" [S3E10]

Sawyer Speaking to Tom - "That's for taking the kid off the raft. " [S3E23]

Sayid Speaking to Sun Kwon - "I don't know what is more disquieting... the fact that the rest of the statue is missing, or that it has 4 toes?" [S2E23]

Sayid Speaking to Boone Carlyle - "Hope is a very dangerous thing to lose." [S1E3]

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T19:17:00.002-04:00

Being a mom is the greatest blessing of my life.

Dol

2010-05-07T21:10:00.003-04:00

I had the best time at my Dol party!!! Mommy and Daddy rented a nearby multipurpose hall so that we could invite all of our friends and family. Mommy found lots of items on the Little Seouls website... my invitations, tol poster and tickets, candles... lots of stuff. Mommy made a big poster that had lots of pictures of me on it. I wore my hanbok for the first party of the party.

Mommy also made another poster explaining the toljabee. Adrian was in charge of making sure everyone voted and had their tickets.

When it was time for me to choose the Toljabee items Mommy set me on the table. The first thing I chose was a stethoscope and the second thing I chose was the piggy bank. Looks like I am going to be a wealthy doctor. Mommy was really excited about that for some reason.

Next, I changed into my pink tutu that Tee Tee (Aunt Emily) made for me.

Next Mommy lit the candles...

...and everyone started singing. I couldn't take my eyes off of Mommy the whole time. She sings really bad.

I blew out my candles and got so excited I just had to give Luca a hug. Everyone thought this was really cute.

My cherry blossom blue bird cake was delish!

Next, we opened up my presents... and there were a lot of them!

I felt like such a princess!!!!

Happy 6th Birthday Luca!

2010-05-04T21:15:00.007-04:00

My Luca is six years old today. He woke up this morning and the first things he said was, "I am finally six!" All day I have been hearing things like... wow, my arms are longer now, and I can reach this now that I am six, and my hair is longer now that I am six. He is too funny. He has been home the past two days with a nasty virus so we didn't exactly get to celebrate the way we usually do. Instead we had some of Nonna's home made chicken soup and some cupcakes. After a trip to the doctor we made a quick stop at GameStop for a new game. He chose Club Penguin and all was well with the world. Luca will be having his "kid party" at the Rec Center this year. They have a great pool with water slides. He is really looking forward to it.

I love this funny, sweet, smart boy with all my heart and soul. He amazes me with his humor, honesty and his outlook on the world. He gives the best hugs with arms and legs wrapped around me. He draws me the sweetest pictures at school with us "in love and hugging." I love his lanky skinny body that looks just like mine did at his age. I love his big blue eyes with eyelashes a mile long. I love the way he answers "sure" but pronounced "shore" when he is answering a yes or no question. I love that he thinks that I am the smartest most perfect person he knows... he tells me all the time... I know that won't last long. I love that he looks to God when he has troubles. I love the way he asks one million questions when we are watching our new favorite show... Life. I love how he makes me laugh every single solitary day.

Over the past few years I have made little slide shows for the boys on their birthday. They really love them and now are expected. I can't seem to get this one to load onto blogger. Maybe it is too large a file.

Instead I found this little gem. I had forgotten how he would say "Yaaa yuhhh" and "Widda Widda had a farm" He also would say "Guh Guh" for "Buggah" which is what my kids came up with for the word Grandpa. I love his big finish at the end too!

LOST is back tomorrow!

2010-05-01T21:16:00.006-04:00

Something felt a bit off last week without my beloved LOST. My favorite show of all time (behind Seinfeld) is quickly nearing it's end. I have mixed feelings. I am glad the writers have a plan for the show and won't just let it drag on and on... but I'm also sad that there are only a few more hours left to enjoy. The writers have said that this is a show about characters. The characters are the heart of this show. All of the myth and crazy storyline are secondary.

Interestingly, Matthew Fox originally auditioned for the part of Sawyer. Looking at the following audition... he would have done a good job... but I like him so much better as Jack. Jack has always been one of my favorites. His leadership, conviction, strength, his dedication.... what a great character. Even when he was at his all time low (raging alcoholic with a nasty drug habit and hideous beard) I kept cheering for him. I just knew he would find his way. To see him transform from a man of science to a full fledged man of faith has been so cool. Anywho, here is his audition tape....

Soooo, Matthew Fox read for the part of Sawyer and let me just say that I am sooooo glad that he didn't get it. Otherwise we all may have missed out on this....
Here is Josh Holloway's audition

When it is all said and done though....Locke is still may favorite. Terry O'Quinn is the bomb. There are just so many great lines and great moments from this character.

Then there is Jin, Hurley, Richard, Sun, Claire, Charlie, Desmond, Penny... ohhhhh and Ben. They are all so great too! Looking forward to tomorrow night!

One Year Old

2010-04-26T15:00:00.008-04:00

Okay this is a little late but since it isn't May 4th yet... Eden is still 12 months old. :) Here are some of the super cool things she is doing now.....

* Our little sweetie is a full fledged walker. She is walking all over and rarely crawls anymore.

* Eden blows kisses. Totally adorable.

* She has added a new word to her vocabulary. Along with Mama and more (pronounced "eeemmmmm" or "mom") she now says "hi"... and it is totally cute too because she opens her mouth really big at the "hhhhh" part. :)

* She has four teeth... two on top and two on bottom. The teeth on either side of her top teeth are just breaking through.

* We have started some sign language. She hasn't really picked it up yet be I keep trying. One time I think that she was trying to sign "more" by clapping... the actual sign does look similar... either that or she was just clapping because she loves food. :)

* She is giving more hugs than ever. I finally received my first unsolicited hug this past month. She walked up and just hugged me for no reason. Tears!

* She says "Aaaaawwwww" when she hugs.

* She has a love hate relationship with bathing. Sometimes she LOVES it and plays and laughs and splashes... other times she screams like someone is stabbing her. It's always a surprise... I never know which way it's going to go.

* She started drinking from a sippy cup. She usually spits out anything that isn't water... which is really fun.

* She still LOVES LOVES LOVES food like no other child I have known. There are very few things that she won't eat.

* She has a temper.... ooooooh that temper. It's kind of like ying and yang.... she is so happy and smiley and joyful... but can also be fiercely angry and stubborn and short fused. There is VERY little middle ground with her. Either she is super happy or super pissed... like a switch. She really doesn't whine or fuss... she skips that and goes straight for full on tantrum. Good times.

* She seems to like Mickey Mouse Playhouse and dances when the theme song comes on.

* She loves the remote and when she finally gets her hands on it she pushes the buttons and then looks at the TV over and over. She is so smart!

* She still sleeps really well... about 11 hours at night and a 2 hour nap during the day.

* Luca is still her favorite. She is so drawn to him and wants to hug him all the time. He isn't always in the mood for hugging though. :(

* If the dog is barking I will sometimes yell out for him to be quiet. Eden will join right in and yell some gibberish. It is so cute.

* She was 21 pounds at her last doctor visit. She has grown out of most of her 6 - 12 month clothing.

* She will sing! If you sing "laaaaaaaaaa" she will join in. Adorable.

* She still loves loves loves attention. She is a people person for sure! She is just so very social. In reading some information about Eden's biological mother it was noted that she was also very social. I like to think that maybe Eden got that from her.

* She loves her pink car that she got for her birthday! It's the kind they ride in and has a nice handle for someone to push while walking. She will ride in that much longer than her stroller.

* She is NOT a hockey fan. The days of sitting on my lap during games are over. This is bad.

* Her hair is growing like crazy. It is hard to believe that just three months ago it just reached her hairline. Now I'm able to do pigtails and a crazy pony on top that sticks up.

Time seems to be going by so quickly. I can't believe how much she has changed in these last few months. She continues to just amaze me in so many ways... her intelligence, her beauty, her loving nature, her strength, her love of life. I am the luckiest mom in the world.

Pics from her Dol party coming soon!

Wordless Wednesday- Sisters

2010-04-21T15:14:00.003-04:00

Eden's Birthday Party In New York

2010-04-20T11:55:00.004-04:00

Ron's parents had a birthday party for Eden while we were visiting in New York. It was so nice to see everyone and finally introduce Eden. She loved all of the attention... and boy did she get it! She had a great time outside finding Easter eggs with her brothers and cousins.

Ron's mom had this beautiful cake made. I had sent thank you cards with this same image when we first arrived home. Ron's mom knew how much I loved it and surprised us with the cake! You can see the card sitting above the cake.

We had such a great time and look forward to another trip this summer.

We drove home the next day which took about 10 hours or so. Eden screamed her eardrum shattering scream a good portion of the way. It was pretty insane.

3 Years

2010-04-16T20:56:00.002-04:00

Three years ago today we were logged in with the CCAA to adopt a little girl from China. Three years. We started the adoption process about six months prior to that. I can't believe how long ago that was. So much has happened... Luca has doubled in age, we have a dog, we have a new sister in law, we have two new nieces, I have a new job... so much has changed. If we were still waiting for a referral we would still have YEARS of waiting ahead of us. It's insane. The CCAA is currently giving referrals to family's logged in in April 2006. That means they have a full year's worth of dates in line in front of us. Being that the CCAA is only getting through 2-3 months of log in dates per year... well it could be worst case 6 years before we would get a referral. I'm not saying that is what is going to happen... I'm just saying if the current trend of the past two years holds true then it will be about that long. Lots of people are dropping out of the program though so that may speed things up a bit. Whatever the case we would be waiting a very long time after already waiting a very long time. NOT THE 18 - 24 MONTHS WE THOUGHT WE WOULD BE WAITING.

Anyway, this date no longer brings me pain and holds no real significance in my life anymore. I have the light of my life and she was worth all of it. Every tear, every bit of energy, every prayer, everything.

My heart does break though for the thousands of families still waiting. Not all families have the opportunity to switch countries like we did. They are just stuck waiting. All their hopes and dreams on hold. Although my own personal pain of the wait has lifted... I will never forget what it was like. It makes me tear up right now just typing this. The Sadness, the obsessing, the worry, the frustration, the gloom, the anger. It is something that unless you have experienced it, you never really know what it's like.

For those still waiting, I know that there really are no words that will ease your pain. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Adoption Mess

2010-04-15T13:46:00.005-04:00

The state of international adoptions is (in my opinion) at an all time low. There is such a mess out there right now it makes my head hurt. There are very few countries out there right now with STABLE programs. Some of the largest programs are having major problems.

Someone may ask why families (like mine) would choose an international adoption in the first place with the expense and drama that IA entails. For us, we feel strongly that EVERY child deserves a family... regardless of geography. For us, the Korean program was the best fit.... and yes, domestic adoption as well as foster care were considered.

China- The wait for a non special needs child is likely four years or more although China will not give a specific or even ball park timeline for families applying. In addition, those families waiting for a referral are being asked to keep all paperwork up to date. Several documents have an expiration date. This means spending possibly thousands of dollars on home study updates and refiling paperwork with the US government while waiting for a referral.

Russia- After the horrible events of last week, there is a chance that Russia will suspend adoptions for families in the United States. Although it seems that the program is currently up and running... the future is unknown.

Ethiopia- Now requiring families to make two trips which increases the cost significantly. Also, wait times continue to increase for families due to the popularity of the program. In addition... "The Department of State shares families’ concerns about recent media reports alleging direct recruitment of children from birth parents by adoption service providers or their employees." US Department of State

Kazakhstan- Once a very popular program but after hearing several horror stories I wonder how much longer this program will be around. Usually referrals happen in country and families choose their child from several files. Stories of families traveling to Kazakhstan to adopt a healthy baby only to be shown a couple of older children with significant needs are now all too common. In addition backlash from the Casey Johnson story has caused several families to hang in limbo waiting for paperwork from Kazakhstan.

Haiti- Although about a thousand children have come to the US to be adopted since the earthquake, thousands more wait in limbo due to missing required paperwork. Haiti is currently CLOSED to new adoptions by US citizens

Nepal- This was a program we took some interest in before deciding on Korea. Thank goodness we chose Korea. This program looked like it was off to a great start but quickly stalled. I was shocked when I read... "We encourage parents who have filed an application with the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare (MWCSW) in Nepal, but have not yet been matched with a child or received an Adoption Decree issued by the Government of Nepal, to consider a change of countries." US Department of State

These are just a few of the changes/current events in international adoptionland. Even if a family thinks they found a country they feel comfortable with, they still have to meet that specific country's criteria to adopt... like...financial and medical requirements. It makes me so sad for families. Sad that there are such limited choices/programs right now. Sad that things just keep getting more difficult and more expensive. I have spoken to many families who would love to adopt but either don't meet the requirements for the country or just flat out don't have an extra $30,000.

More than anything though.... my heart breaks for the children... all TWO HUNDRED TEN MILLION of them. Yes, 210 million. One would think that with a number like that, families who want to open their hearts to a child in need of a family could do so without having to wait YEARSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! Only a fraction of those children will ever be adopted. It's insane. I's mind boggling.
It. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

The system is flawed... so much corruption. It's a mess and 210 million innocent children are paying the price. Now I know that rules and laws need to be in place and families need to be screened and educated and all of that. I totally agree.... but there has to be a better way.... a more efficient way. There has to be a better way to get more children into more families sooner.

Really, is this the best we can do?

Sorry I am on such a rant. I am just so frustrated with the bad news and bad press.

Our Easter Break- post #2

2010-04-13T19:24:00.008-04:00

Easter Egg Hunt

The next morning we drove the rest of the way to New York. Eden didn't get to crazy with her insanely high pitch screaming.... thank goodness. She made up for it on the ride back to Michigan though. More on that later.

We visited with some of Ron's family and had a yummy dinner. The next day we went to an Easter egg hunt at a church near Ron's parents home. It was really cute. They had several activities for the kids to do. The weather was perfect... record breaking highs in the 80's!

Like... make an Easter craft...

... and hold a baby chick and duckling...

... there was also story and snack.... but the best part was the egg hunt!

Silly girl... the candy is INSIDE the egg!

Luca was so excited that he even hugged his brother...

... and then kissed him in the armpit???

Later we colored Easter eggs while Eden did her favorite activity.... eating.

Our Easter Break- post #1

2010-04-12T17:59:00.009-04:00

I have so much to post! A trip to a water park, trip to New York, Easter, Eden's birthday in New York, Eden's birthday party here in Michigan... like I said... lots to post! I will have to take it one even at a time!

Water Park
Last Friday we took off for our trip to New York. With the exception of Ron's parents, this was the first time his family has seen Eden. We decided not to travel through Canada because our adoption is not final and Eden doesn't have a passport yet. Sooo we took the long way. We decided to surprise the boys with an overnight stop at a water park in Pennsylvania. The boys were so surprised when we pulled into the parking lot!

The boys had a lot of fun. Indoor water parks are one of their favorites and we try to hit one or two each winter. I wasn't sure how Eden would like it being that baths are not her favorite activity. She ended up LOVING it! She wasn't afraid of the water at all! She didn't even mind getting splashed or getting water on her face. Ohhhhh and did she ever look adorable in her ladybug bikini!

Happy 1st Birthday!

2010-03-31T10:15:00.006-04:00

I hope you will always know how loved you are. From the top of your head down to your toes, inside and out, unconditionally, and forever... loved.

Happy Birthday to the sweetest little cupcake in the world!

Recent Lucaisms.....

2010-03-29T20:45:00.005-04:00

* "I didn't blink at school today. Not even once."

* "There is a new boy in my class named Cody Machanic." Now why do I think this is made up? Cody Mechanic... really???

* "I didn't breathe today at school. I held my breath all day."

* It's 8:05 and we are on our way up to bed when he realizes, "I forgot to eat my dessert!" Dessert is a highlight of our day. He believes that dessert comes after not only dinner... but breakfast and lunch too.

* "What color is God's coat?"

* "The sparkle on the ocean are stars that have come down." There was no lead into this conversation... just thought he would let me know.

* "How does God get into your heart? Does he just take a knife and cut it open?"

* His doctor asks, "So Luca, do you have a girlfriend?" He replies matter of fact, "Yes." Doctor asks, "Who is it?" Luca replies as if he should know, "Mommy. I'm going to marry her." Duuuuuuhhhh.

and my personal favorite from today...

"My butt is different than other people's butts because I can hold my poop for a really really long time."

Good to know.

Pigtails!!!!!

2010-03-21T18:52:00.001-04:00

Mommy needs some practice!!!!!

Kind of at a loss...

2010-03-19T10:22:00.004-04:00

I need some input on this one.

My Luca has been wrestling with something and I am not sure how to handle it. Over the past couple of weeks he has been coming to me with concerns about me dying. I am not sure where this is coming from. No one we know has died recently. The only thing that may have sparked this is a conversation about our dog several weeks ago. He asked if Hero was going to die. I told him that Hero is still a young dog and he is very healthy. I told him that Hero will probably be around for a long time but... just like all living creatures, Hero will die one day. All living things eventually die, it is just part of life. I went on to tell him not to worry about those kinds of things and to enjoy the day and think happy thoughts. Well, since that time... he has come to me almost everyday... sometimes more than once very upset. It seems to come out of nowhere... at Target, after getting off the bus, while on a walk, bedtime. He is very emotional and when he talks his little voice breaks and there are tears and it is so upsetting. Last night the conversation got a little deeper...

Luca- I don't want you to die before me.
Me- Mommy isn't old and I am very healthy (already feel like I am not being honest here... not all people who die are old... but I just have to give him SOME reassurance.) I plan on being around for a very long time.
Luca- But you are older than me. Daddy is older than me. Adrian is older than me. I am only 5. One day I will have no Mommy, no Daddy, and no brother. I will have no family.
Me- Deep Breath... my heart is breaking One day you will get married and you will have children and they will be your family too. Eden is younger than you. You will ALWAYS have a family.
Luca- Will God take care of me?
Me- God will ALWAYS take care of you.
Luca- When I have children will the babies be in my stomach?

That is where the conversation took a turn. :) I don't know how to handle this one. I will NOT lie to him and say that I am not going to die. It is very important to me to be honest with my kids even when it is hard. Although Luca is bright he is immature. Talking to him about death still needs to be very basic. I just don't know what to say to him that will comfort him. Like I said, this keeps coming up. I feel like I'm not saying the right thing.

What should I be telling him???

Pororo

2010-03-18T11:11:00.002-04:00

Pororo is a very popular cartoon in Korea. The main character is named Pororo and is a little penguin. Very cute.

Eden came home with a couple of Pororo toys and a cute pair for Pororo jammies. While in Korea we purchased a Pororo airplane toy as well. Had we known she liked these characters we would have made more of an effort to track down and buy some. Ron went out one day while in Korea to the local "Walmart" to buy some toys for her but they didn't have any. He said the toy isle was very small... not like here in the US!

We have watched Pororo on Youtube a few times and she does enjoy it. Imagine my surprise when I found an episode with Pororo playing hockey!!!!!

Just A Taste

2010-03-15T20:53:00.006-04:00

I had Eden's one year pictures done this past weekend. We used the same photographer who captured our arrival at the airport and home. She is wonderful. So patient and creative. Eden was less than cooperative. She wouldn't sit still, screamed her shrieky scream, headbutted Luca during one of the group photos, etc. I was sweating and stressing the whole time!!!! Thankfully, our photographer was able to capture some amazing pictures... I don't know how she did it! I still don't have a really good photo of the three kids together though. I am a little bummed about that but what can you do???

I have some pics of Eden in her hanbok, in her pink tutu, and in a white diaper cover eating a big cupcake. The cupcake ones are really fun. I can't wait to share them with you! I'm waiting for the pictures to come in.

I also have new pics of the boys. They are with our dog and turned out so adorable.

For those interested... our photographer can be found on Facebook... Portrait Collections.

I just had to share this one picture! She is so stinkin' cute!!!!

Mommy

2010-03-15T14:14:00.006-04:00

Adrian... Mommy, I want to talk to you about something but I don't want you to be upset.

Me...Okay what's up?

Adrian... I am thinking that I want to start calling you "mom" instead of mommy. My heart sinks a little. All my friends call their mom's mom except for me. Are you mad?

Me... Well, to be honest I knew there would come a day when you would stop calling me Mommy. If that is what you want to do that is fine. I am not upset. Lying through my teeth.

Adrian... Ok... mom. OUCH! Gosh that sounds weird! Ooooohhhhhh.... I can't do it! I am just going to keep calling you Mommy!Smile

Me... You can call me whatever you want.

Hugs.

Flashback Friday- Adrian in Kindergarten

2010-03-12T08:45:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-10T08:35:00.001-05:00

11 Months Old

2010-03-04T10:48:00.003-05:00

Our little sweetie is 11 months old today and has been with us almost two months. It is amazing how much she has grown and changed already. Since we have been home...

* Her hair has gotten so much longer! The top hangs in her eyes now. Good thing I have lots of bows!!! Trying to figure out how to trim bangs on a child that doesn't hold still. :)

* She clearly says "Mama" and knows what it means. She doesn't just whine it anymore... "mammmamammmamama" which is nice. :)

* She will clap and say "yea"

* Will wave hi and bye bye

* EVERYTHING goes into her mouth. I have to watch her every second. Her top two teeth have just broken through.

* She still hates her car seat and baths.

* She sleeps like a champ and doesn't cry at all when we lay her down for naps or at night.

* She is NOT a patient baby (is there such thing?) and will make a huge fuss when she doesn't get what she wants right away!

* She loves loves loves to eat. I call her Miss Piggy. She really enjoys eating table food and now will put up a stink if she is served baby food. She only has two tiny teeth so this makes it difficult to give her much as far as table food goes. She really enjoys eating Nonna's homemade chicken soup (don't we all) and likes when I boil up some carrots or potatoes for her.

* She is a busy body. She protests diaper and clothing changes because she just can't stand to be kept from whatever she is doing. She can wiggle out of her clothing you are trying to put on her like a pro. Sometimes I have to count to ten while I am getting her dressed! It is so frustrating!

* She loves our dog and loves the boys. Feeling is mutual. :)

* She has the most beautiful little eyelashes that curl up at the corners!

* She has the most hilarious grunt and growl sounds. It is so funny to hear these noises come out of such a pretty little girl! :)

* We watched Pororo the other day on YouTube. It is a very popular kids cartoon in Korea. We were told that she loved it and came home with several Pororo toys. When it came on screen she smiled so big! She then kept looking at the screen then looking back at me with the look of surprise. It was so cute.

* She is quickly growing out of her 6 - 12 months clothes!

* She seems to be attaching well to all of us. She is also attaching well with my parents who watch her a few days per week while I am at work. She is affectionate and happy.

* She does not like to wear shoes or a winter coat. The minute she sees the coat she cries.

* The boys can't stand to hear her cry. I could be in the other room with Eden and if Luca hears her crying he will stop what he is doing, come in, and start singing to her. It is the dearest thing. If Adrian hears her in the morning he will go into her room to soothe her. I can hear him and see him on the video baby monitor. It is so sweet. If only the boys would show each other the love, kindness, and patience they show their sister!!!!

* Some of her odd behaviors have stopped. She no longer pulls her hair. She did this when we first brought her home. She would pull it so hard that I thought she would pull it out. This was clearly her expressing her anxiety, anger, frustration, or whatever she was feeling when we brought her home. I also notice that she is scratching and swatting less. When we first brought her home she would dig her nails into my skin... and everyone else too. She doesn't do that as often anymore nor does she hit. Another odd behavior that she showed was head banging. She would headbutt often. She had several bruises on her forehead when we first got home from hitting her head on things. She doesn't really do that anymore. Thank goodness.

* She is a good shopper! :0)

* I finally have figured out her tickle spot! We have tried tickling her and she would just not respond. I found that she likes to be ticked.... roughly! I really gotta tickle her kind of hard on her sides for her to laugh out loud!

* She loves her pacifier and will develop a little rash around her mouth from sucking on it all day. I am trying to limit it as much as possible now. I wasn't about to restrict it when we first arrived home because it is such a comfort to her.

* She is a LIGHT sleeper. Even with the sound machine she will still sometimes wake if she hears something.

* She loves to be in the baby sling. Even though the carrier is a torture device for me... I still wear it because she enjoys it so much. When I pull it out she gets all excited and starts climbing up before I can even get the straps hooked!

* She shakes her head "no" but doesn't know what it means yet. They boys think it is so funny to ask her questions and have her shake her head. Their favorite is, "Deal or no deal?"

It is hard to believe that in one short month she will be one year old!

Wordless Wednesday- Cousins

2010-03-03T09:39:00.002-05:00

Eden's Dedication

2010-02-26T12:31:00.001-05:00

This past Sunday we had Eden dedicated at our church. I am so glad that we were all well enough to go! The service was very nice... especially the dedication part. We celebrated at a local restaurant with family after the ceremony. While on stage Eden put on a show... taking off and throwing on the floor both shoes and her headband. She also kept waving to the drummer on stage and tried to squirm out of my hands the entire time! My arms were sore when the service was over! She did a great job and looked so BEAUTIFUL. Her beauty amazes me.

We celebrated at a restaurant after the service.

Tried to get a family photo but she wasn't havin' it!!!

Eden Update and Flashback Friday

2010-02-19T18:56:00.003-05:00

In addition to the fungal cream we are also using a steroid to help Eden's diaper rash heal. It is like a miracle! The rash is practically gone!!!! She is also feeling a lot better but still not 100%. She still has a runny nose and a cough but the doctor said her lungs sounded good.

Ron and I are also feeling better too. :0)

Flashback Friday....

2004 Adrian 5 years, Luca 7 months
Now I know why my mom would cry whenever we watched old family movies. My sweet little babies....

Eden

2010-02-18T12:21:00.003-05:00

Eden is doing much better as far as the RSV goes. She no longer has a fever and is breathing easier. However, he rash is still pretty bad. I don't really get it. My boys have had some pretty bad rashes but with Triple Paste cream they cleared up fairly quickly. Her rash is just not going away. It seemed to improve some with the anti-fungal cream but in the last day or so it has gotten worse. It is now just an open sore and she screams when she is changed because she is in so much pain. We have been doing everything we have been told... airing out, various creams, changing often, washing... I even bought organic diapers. I just wish this rash would clear up. I can't stand to hear her crying and in pain. We have another appointment this afternoon with the doctor.

Oh, and Ron and I are now both sick too. Fun Stuff.

Oh brother.

2010-02-15T12:57:00.003-05:00

Our Eden has RSV. She is on breathing treatments and will see the doctor again tomorrow. She is MISERABLE. Our smiley girl is either crying or whimpering all day long. She is not eating and will only drink about 1/2 her bottle. Yesterday to help clear some of the junk out of her head I took her in the shower with me. Usually she screams bloody murder... this time she didn't cry but fell asleep in my arms. She keeps hitting herself in the face I think because she is congested and is frustrated. Coughing, runny nose, temp.... pray my little glazed doughnut gets better soon!

No Time!

2010-02-12T20:41:00.002-05:00

No time for posting. Eden is sick with a cold and wants to be held constantly. She also has a horrible diaper rash. Took her to the doctor today and he said the rash was fungal. Eeeewwwwww. We have some cream for it and hopefully it will clear up soon. He said it was common.

I know soooo many people who are sick right now. How many more days till summer???

Here are a couple of pics just because!

One Month Home!

2010-02-07T22:45:00.002-05:00

Today we celebrate Family Day! One month ago we walked through our front door and became a family of five. What a crazy, exhausting, emotional, amazing day that was!

We hired a photographer to capture our arrival at the airport. Mother Nature... who in Korea delayed us from meeting Eden by a day because of a huge snow storm... once again threw a wrench in our plans and prevented our family from going to the airport. The roads were just too dangerous for them to make the drive. However, our photographer braved the roads and was there to capture our arrival. She then went to our home where our family was waiting for us.

Detroit Metro Airport

We exited customs and saw our photographer waiting for us in baggage claim.

Ron went to get the bags and we played a little while we waited.

We then left the airport and Eden took her first ride in a car seat. The smiles didn't last long though. She didn't really like it.

Thirty one hours after waking up to start our trip home we finally pulled into our drive. We could hear our family cheering from inside as soon as we got out of the car.

Finally Home!

She walked in the door with a smile on her face.

Her sweet smile brought a tear to my eye.After every she had been through and after such a loooong trip home... I just couldn't believe she was smiling! I just love this sweet girl.

Adrian came up to meet his new sister.

One smile and we all fell in love.

Next, Luca came to say hello...

... and we became a family of five!

Adrian really wanted to hold her but she wasn't quite ready!

Luca had her laughing with his disappearing thumb trick.

Shortly after we went to bed and Eden and I slept for 15 hours straight!

This was such a happy day! One that I will never forget!

Losing Korea

2010-02-05T10:37:00.007-05:00

Things are feeling different. I am not surprised each day to find that our daughter is finally home. It doesn't seem weird to see her playing happily in our family room. It's starting to feel like she has always been here.

As time passes... as we start to feel and live our new normal.. I feel like Korea is slipping away. Maybe it's because our trip isn't so fresh in my mind as when we first came home. Maybe it's because we no longer have or are using as many Korean items which were in some way a comfort to me... like we still had pieces of Korea with us. The little reminders of Korea aren't there each time I make a bottle... our Korean baby formula is long gone. I have just a couple of Korean diapers left, the toys that Eden brought from her home in Korea now sit at the bottom of the toy box when they used to be her favorites, no more Korean bottles or pacifiers, and even with the extras we bought her favorite Korean snacks are just about gone. Although I think about Eden's foster mother each and every day... the guilt and wondering of how she is doing don't occupy my thoughts as they did when we first came home.

I wonder if the same thing is happening with Eden. It must be.... and it makes me sad. I don't want to forget and I don't want her to forget Korea. Sure we will visit Korean restaurants, celebrate with a traditional Korean first birthday party, watch movies of our trip, and do what we can to incorporate some Korean culture into our family.... but it is sooo not the same. It's like a really watered down American version of Korea... not real. I am forever connected to this place... this beautiful place that stole my heart. I miss Korea and if I miss it after only being there less than a week... I know that she misses it a whole lot.

Our trip to Korea put into such perspective the loss that is involved with international adoption. To experience only a fraction of it as a parent is so powerful. The loss is raw. It is felt throughout your whole body... each of your senses, your heart.

All of this may explain why I am having such a hard time calling Eden... "Eden." We have been using her Korean name, Sei-in, since meeting her in Korea. At first it felt strange to call her Sei-in because for so long she was "Eden" in my heart and mind. We used her Korean name because she recognized it. Now, after a month, I have a hard time calling her anything else. Some of it is just habit but some of it has much more to do with not wanting to lose what's left of her life before coming to the US. I feel as though so much has been taken from her. Really... what's left? Her name... it's like the last piece. Each time I say it... it's a comfort, a reminder, a little nod to the life and people she had before. Her birth father gave her that name and everyone who has loved her and cared for her has called her by that name... who am I to take it away? So... it's hard for me. I didn't expect to feel this way. I wanted to give her an American name. I had read that many adopted children prefer American names because they already feel "different" and having a foreign name draws even more attention to that fact. I love the name Eden and have known for years that if I were blessed with a daughter I would use it. Now I just don't know what to do. Will she regret that we changed her name? Will she see this as just one more loss? When she learns that her birth father named her, will she feel that the one connection to her birth family was taken from her?

I feel so pressured right now to make a decision on one name or the other before she gets much older.

I am struggling with this.
Any thoughts?

10 Months Old

2010-02-03T11:16:00.003-05:00

Our little sweetie is ten months old. Double digits. Although it has only been one month (to the day) that we first met I already see that she has grown and changed. She actually looks different to me... her hair a little longer, chubbier. She is quickly growing out of her 6 - 12 month clothes. She loves to eat! Her favorites are yogurt, sweet potatoes, and those puffs. She is pulling up on everything and can stand unassisted for a few seconds. She has not taken a step yet though. She can crawl up my stairs in no time which she couldn't do when we first arrived home. She says, "Mama" and knows what it means. She will call out for me. She also will wave "hi" and "bye bye" when asked. She loves to mimic with different sounds. She hasn't gotten any more teeth but the two she came home with seem larger. She seems to be a hockey fan. She will sit and watch the game or the people in the stands without fuss. She still loves Luca and he can get her to stop crying when no one else can.

She is a joy! The past month has gone by so quickly. Things are finally settling and our new normal feels well, normal.

I will post more about her attachment along with some pictures this weekend.

Eden's Favorite Toy

2010-01-29T20:49:00.006-05:00

Let me show you around my new pad Gianna. Check out my cool new chair!

Oh, Hi Mommy... I sure love these play date thingies you have been setting up! Meanwhile.... Gianna has her eye on the chair.

Heeeey wait a minute! That's my chair!

You better move it sister!

Every queen needs a throne!

One More Christmas Pic

2010-01-29T17:27:00.003-05:00

She wasn't there Christmas morning... but she is still the....

Wordless Wednesday: Christmas 2009

2010-01-27T14:49:00.003-05:00

Our Social Butterfly

2010-01-25T20:40:00.003-05:00

We have a pretty happy girl. She has her moments... but overall she is smiling and now will belly laugh. She is incredibly social and has a smile for everyone. I have been real careful that she is not "mommy shopping" because she seriously has to have everyone that she sees stop and smile at her. Sometimes this behavior happens with adopted children. Here are two stories from a wonderful website called A4everFamily.org

While every child is different, here is our experience. Our son came off the plane happy, smiling, and laughing. He was a beautiful and happy sixth-month-old. We planned on not letting anyone hold the baby until we felt he adjusted. Well, he looked very well-adjusted from the get-go. Everything made him happy and he took to everything so easily. Carseat, stroller, crib, new bottles, new formula, sleeping through the night…everything was so easy to introduce to him. What a happy, easy baby! And boy did he love people! It even said so in his pre-flight report. He seemed so happy and so willing to go to his grandparents, aunts, and uncles...a lot of people were waiting anxiously for this baby along with us. He seemed to adjust so well that we threw away the no holding policy and let close family members hold him earlier than we expected. He was not passed around nor held for long periods of time, but he was very loving and seemingly unaffected by the exposure to multiple family members.
As time went on our son distanced himself more and more from me, his mother, but still went happily to everyone else. I was his primary caretaker and doing a lot to promote bonding, but he avoided me more and more in ways that seemed innocent but didn't feel right to me. By the time he was home four months, he was not happy when I fed him, changed him, held him, gave him a bottle or anything that required me caring for him. By this time he completely ignored my existence and became a full-time mommy shopper. He learned lots of interesting tricks to get the attention of other women. This child would have willingly left with a complete stranger from the grocery store and never would have looked back. Meanwhile, everyone else continued to see a baby who was so easy and sweet and good and loving...I did not see that child because when it was just the two of us, he avoided me and pushed me away. It was very painful and I thought at first it had something to do with me not being a good mother...I know that is not the case now.
We had our son evaluated by an attachment therapist at ten months old. We learned that he was sensitive to the attachment process. Basically, he had the opinion of been there, done that...mommies are not trustworthy, mommies leave, I will pick my own mommy...I am safe when I control who takes care of me.

and this one...

A few months after my son came home, it was clear that he was waiting for his next mommy to come and take him away. He even began to do a lot of "mommy shopping" and would make cute noises for other women and reach out to strange and random women no matter where we were. During playdates he made it his mission to sit in another mother's lap and not mine. To the rest of the world he looked very social, happy, and personable. Our friends and family were thrilled, each thinking they had a special relationship with our son, but little did they know he would have just as happily gone to a complete stranger. Allowing this behavior to continue was allowing my son to continue to avoid me, his forever mommy, reinforcing that mommies are replaceable. I needed to prove otherwise.

We have been careful not to have people hold her, feed her, change her and she seems to show signs of good attachment so far. It is just something to look out for. Even when things seem to be going so very well... you still need to be careful.

Two Weeks

2010-01-21T09:26:00.003-05:00

It's been two weeks since we arrived home. Yesterday was the first day that we had no tears! Notta one!!!! She didn't cry through her diaper changes. She didn't cry when we changed her clothes. She didn't even whimper when I put her down to sleep.She didn't even cry during her bath! In fact... she not only sat in the sink... but she laughed and played and smiled! What a sweet little girl. I am telling you... she is amazing. As I rocked her to sleep last night she lay there so relaxed in my arms. Instead of having one hand clenched onto my shirt, both arms lay down limp. She would open her eyes and just stare at my face then slowly close them. When I stood up, instead of instantly waking and clinging onto me... she stayed relaxed and spread her little arms out when I put her in her crib like she was content and comfortable.

I am at work today and will be at work tomorrow too. I am off again next week though. Ron is home with her both days and I will be going home at lunch to see her. I miss her so much it's crazy. When I have to return to work full time it is totally going to stink. I am already counting down the days till summer vacation!!!!

This is the day we received Eden. We are just leaving SWS.

More Progress

2010-01-18T18:39:00.006-05:00

Friday we met with our social worker for our first of three post placement visits. Everything went really well. I really like our social worker. She agreed that Eden is adjusting great so far and had some suggestions on other ideas to help her. We meet again in February.

Sunday we took Eden to church for the first time. She was so great! She sat with us and didn't make a fuss. I couldn't believe that she as actually there with us. So many times I would be sitting in church praying for her, praying for the strength to get through the wait.

Eden continues to do well with attachment and bonding. It is defiantly a process. One area will seem to improve while another I feel like we are moving backwards. For example on Monday she was super clingy. She wouldn't play or let me out of her sight. She only wanted to be held and would cry if I set her down. However, that night she took a bath without screaming!!!! This is a first! I have to credit Luca because he sang to her and kept her attention through the whole thing. She wasn't actually sitting in the water I was holding her at the edge of the sink and was pouring water on her... but each time I tried this before she would freak out. Progress!!! Also, yesterday she would not go down for a nap in her crib but went down without crying at bedtime... another first. So it's kind of like two steps forward one step back. Overall though she is doing great. She no longer cries during diaper changes and usually doesn't cry when we change her clothes. She will lay on her back without screaming. She will also play on her own while I fold laundry or do a short task. Tonight is bath night for her so we will see how it goes. I will be sure to have Luca there to sing, "Hush little Sei-in don't say a word... Luca's gonna buy you a mocking bird" which is so adorable.

Home One Week

2010-01-14T21:50:00.008-05:00

We have been home one week already! Time is flying by. We are starting to find our groove. I'm not going to lie... it hasn't been easy. The hardest part is that my hands are never free. She needs to be with me at every moment. I have been wearing my Ergo carrier and today tried it so that she rides on my back. That was great because I was home alone with Luca and needed to help him get ready for bed and do our night time routine. She ended up falling asleep while riding on my back. :) I even hold her when I have to go to the bathroom... unless I want to hear her scream bloody murder. Our nights have been wonderful though. She is sleeping through the night in her crib. Last night she slept 13 hours. She will go down without too much fuss too which is nice. She has a sound machine in her room which has helped a lot because she really is a light sleeper (just like her foster mom said.)

She is such a joy. She smiles all the time.. it's crazy! She is a great eater and has liked everything except green beans... but I don't blame her! She loves to feed herself but only has two little bottom teeth so for now she is only feeding herself some poofs and these potato sticks we got in Korea. She pulls her hair when she is tired and she will say, "OOOOOoooooo" when she sees something she likes. She will mimic "mamamama" and "dadada" but I don't think she knows what they mean just yet. She is pulling up on furniture and will walk across the room holding on to her stroller walker toy. She is going to be walking in no time. She still HATES her baths with a passion. She actually hurts my ears when she screams. It is so high pitch and with so much force at first I thought I had burned her with the water or something. She is okay with getting her hands and feet wet but that is about it. I take her out of the sink and wrap her in a towel and then hold her over the sink to wash her hair. She actually kind of likes this and tonight she started to fall asleep while I was doing it. She is getting better with changing her diaper but still does not like for me to change her clothes. She is also better with her high chair, car seat, and didn't mind her stroller at all. She seems to enjoy going to the bus stop and I think she is starting to recognize the bus because she gets excited when she sees it.

Adrian is in total love with this little girl. Everyday off the bus his smile is stretched across his whole face as he runs to the car. He is so proud of her too always asking me to roll the window down so that he can show his sister off to his friends. He is really good with her too. Tonight he fed her a bottle and never complains when I need his help with her. I love the way he talks to her and the way he is always looking out for her. Tonight I was throwing her up in the air (not far.. like inches) and catching her and he didn't like that at all. He told me I don't catch very well and I might drop her.

Luca seems to like his sister so far. He will kiss her and seems to get a kick out of the fact that she gets a kick out of him. He is only 5 so he is not really into playing much with her. He had a bit of a rough adjustment with the whole thing but is getting better. He was seeking out attention of all kinds and was emotional the first few days we were home. So far though, all this change has not caused him to focus any negativity on Eden... which is really good.

We have had lots of visitors, emails, phone calls, etc. Everyone is so excited and has been so wonderful.

It still doesn't seem real that she is actually here. I can't believe that she is upstairs right now! So many years waiting and dreaming and waiting... and now she is here. I can't imagine any other little girl being my daughter. She is perfect. Ron and I just can't believe how lucky we are. It's as if we won the jackpot! I have loved her from before she breathed her first breath... the idea of her. Now I am falling in love with the little person that she is. This wonderful, beautiful little person.

Starting to Feel Human Again

2010-01-12T14:47:00.005-05:00

Today for the first time I am starting to feel human again. Our 31 hour trip home and jet jag really took a tole... not to mention a new baby! Today my mom and dad came over to help get the boys ready and off to school. Yesterday I tried to do this by myself and failed miserably. They were about 20 minutes late for school and there was lots of screaming (mostly from Eden) and it was very stressful. I felt like such a horrible mommy after they left. Eden won't let me out of her sight and won't let me put her down for a minute.. especially in the morning. Sooo... trying to make breakfast, get Luca dressed, pack backpacks up, help with getting boots on etc. was really hard. Plus, I had to drive the boys which meant getting Eden in her snowsuit and car seat... which she is not thrilled with. Anyway, thankfully things improved throughout the day. Eden will now play a bit on the floor and crawl around as long as I am sitting with her in the room. She also will sit in the high chair if distracted with food and if I am in eyesight. I know I need to be holding her as much a possible for bonding and attachment (and I am) but my back needs a break sometimes and with two other children I sometimes need to put her someplace safe so that I can help them with their needs as well. That has been the toughest... trying to be there and spend time with all of them. I missed them soooo much being gone and now I feel like I still miss them because now they are at school and when they are home I am so busy with Eden. I remember feeling this way when I had Luca and the guilt I felt about not being able to give Adrian my 100%. I know things will get better.

... and they are getting better

Eden slept in her crib last night for the first time. She has been sleeping in my bed with me up until last night. She is a crazy sleeper... all over the bed. I talked to my social worker last night and she agreed that it just isn't safe to have her in my bed with me. She also agreed that transitioning her right to the crib as opposed to to a portable crib in my room or sleeping on the floor would be best... one less change. She must like it because she slept through the night. I had to go in a few times and pat her butt but she went back to sleep and slept from about 9:30 - 8:30 this morning! Wooooo Hooooo! I really needed the sleep too!

Today we had her first well visit with our doctor. She did pretty well. Cried only when she had to lay on her back (which she always does) and when she had to sit in on the scale. The doctor said she looked great... healthy and happy. She is on target with her growth and development. She is now just over 19 pounds and is in the 55% for her weight on the American growth chart. She has met all of the milestones for her age. He said that it looks like she had great care in Korea.

After the doctor my mom and I met Ron for lunch. She sat in the highchair (WOW!) and ate her poofs. She was very happy.

Then we went to Target to get some formula and other essentials. She did great on her first shopping trip!!! No tears!

Also... she is now liking her car seat! She fell asleep in it and is currently still sleeping in it as I type!

Best of all... the biggest change I have seen is that she is so much more relaxed. She isn't as tense or worried. Her arms were not clenching on to me and she didn't have a worried little whine. She is happier and feeling more confident. We are getting there.

Quick thanks to my parents and Ron's parents who have been working so hard helping us with everything. I don't know what I would do without you!!!

A couple of pics...

On the plane.

Getting freshened up at the airport.

We Are Home!

2010-01-09T14:33:00.002-05:00

We made it home after a horrible traveling experience. Eden couldn't have been easier on the plane... the only time she cried was once when I had to change her in the bathroom. I still can't get over how well she did. Our flights however were not so great. Korean Air was wonderful but was an hour late leaving Seoul which caused us to miss our next flight from NY to Detroit. There weren't any flights leaving from JFK so we had to take a bus to Laguardia. ?That flight was also delayed by over an hour. Meanwhile, the snow in Detroit prevented our family from coming to the airport. Thirty one hours after leaving Seoul we finally made it home. Ron nor I had slept more than one hour during that time. Our family met at our house and were so excited! We could hear them cheering from outside. Eden was all smiles as usual. She is amazing.

I am typing this with one hand with her asleep in the Ergo carrier so I will have to make this short. She is very clingy and does not like to be changed or bathed but other than that she is a happy little girl. We are the luckiest family!

Leaving In The Morning

2010-01-06T07:11:00.003-05:00

Just a quick post. Eden is now sleeping and I am a zombie. Everything went very well today. Eden had a couple of crying outbursts right before her nap and right before bed. She has some lungs! I am sure it sounds like we are torturing her in here. Other than that she is smiling, eating, playing and will come to both of us. She raises her hands up to us to be held and appears to be attaching well to both of us so far. Could be the honeymoon phase but really her personality is just so happy that I think part of it is just her nature.

We are almost all packed and ready for our 6:45 car ride to the airport. Hoping that the ride home goes well. Eden is such an active baby I am a little nervous... well a lot nervous.

I want to do a better post telling all that happened today but don't have the energy right now.

Can't wait to see all of you at home!!!!
I especially can't wait to see my Adrian and Luca! Look out! I am going to hug you like crazy!!!!!! Love you sooooooo much!!!!!

At SWS during our final meeting.

Last photo of all of us together.

In elevator going up to our room.

She fell asleep about 1/2 hour after we arrived at our room.

Getting Ready

2010-01-05T19:20:00.006-05:00

After returning from our visit with Eden we were able to see the reception home where she lived for two months before moving to her foster family's home. There is a glass partition where you can view the babies and the caregivers. I was told that there are about 40 babies there and that they try to get all of them placed with foster families before they are three months old. There were several newborns who were being held and I couldn't help but wonder if one of them will one day belong to one of the many online friends I have made who are currently waiting. I gave them a donation of baby clothes and a variety of gifts for the caregivers. I asked if there were anything that they were in need of and they said they really need toys for the babies.

After visiting the reception home Ron and I went up to our room to post some pictures. We then went across the street for dinner. We ordered the Korea barbecue again which is called bulgogi. It was good but not as good at the one we had in Insadong. We decided that we need to find some Korean restaurants close to home that we can go to.

Next, we headed to Namdaemun market. On the subway we met three American Peace Corps workers who have been living here for three years. It is funny that when you see another foreigner you kind of flock to each other! We have spoken with just about every Caucasian person we have seen. They were all teachers and it was so nice to have an easy conversation with a group of people. :) Nothing against the Korean people here at all... they are the most friendly, hard working, gracious people I have ever met. Once we arrived at Namdaemun we again were blown away by the amount of people and shops. Again, we were afraid we were going to get lost! There is a main strip but then alleyways with more vendors and then alleyways coming off alleyways, underground shops, shops with multilevels.... it's crazy! It's one of those places that you just have to experience to really get a feel for what it is like... the sights, sounds... and smells. In Seoul things are not spread out when you visit markets. They tend to clump shops together... all the clothing is together, all the restaurants, all the electronics. You would think it would be harder to stay in business that way, but I guess it works. :) I bought an adorable handmade outfit for Eden and could have bought so much more but the children's clothing vendors were closing. I bought a headpiece for Eden's hanbok and Ron and I both bought hats because it suddenly became incredibly cold again. So cold in fact that we left and went back to the hotel. I was out like a light.

Woke up around 3:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. Not sure if it is because I am a tad excited to be getting my girl today or the time change... probably both. I forgot to mention that our room is great. We opted for the most basic room here at the guest house... rather save our money for shopping... but when we checked in our room was much nicer than described. It has two rooms and a private bathroom. One room has a full kitchen (no oven), TV, computer, couch, and table and chairs. The bedroom has a full bed and a twin bed kind of put together as well as a crib. We did double check with the doorman/check in man to make sure that we were in the right room by showing him a copy of our reservation, but he assured us that we were in the right room. Cool! Anyway, it's now about 9:45 and I sent Ron on a run back to Insadong for some items that I wish I hadn't passed on when we went a few days ago. :) We will be heading over to the office building to meet Eden's case worker at 1:00. Eden will have a required medical physical and then we will have the receiving ceremony. Eden's foster mother will also be there. I am hoping that her foster father comes because we didn't meet hum yesterday and I don't have any pictures of him either. We will have to see. After that, we will bring Eden back to our room and hang out for the rest of the day. I have already cleaned and set up the room for her. It smells like Dreft and baby powder in here and I love it! I am hoping that everything goes smoothly today and I hope that this will not be too hard on Eden or her foster mother. She said the sweetest things to me yesterday that I will keep in my heart forever. She truly loves Eden. I know this will be painful for her and that makes this day very bittersweet for me.

I tried emailing pictures but it keeps bouncing back. Not sure what is up with that. I will just post them here if I can't figure it out.
I know what you really want are more pics of our sweetie so...

Our Girl- UPDATED WITH MORE PICTURES

2010-01-04T22:36:00.005-05:00

"My life was spent in a holding pattern awaiting the happiest landing ever made…so wonderful I'd do it all over and over again if each flight led to you. But I still wouldn't be able to tell you how much you mean to me. I just want to start each day by opening my eyes and seeing you and end each day seeing you before I close them. In between times, I'll just look in my heart. You are always there."– R. Reagan

More to come! Too emotionally exhausted to write right now. Everything couldn't have gone better. She is amazing!

UPDATED

Right after waking up she wasn't so sure about us being there.

Eden's foster mother helped me bribe her to come to me with a snack.

Eden's foster mother gave us a beautiful hanbok.

She liked Ron right away just smiling at him... it was so cute! She even let him eat some of her snack!

Us with Eden's foster mother.

Eden and I with her foster mother and case worker.

All too soon it was time to go. I can't wait for tomorrow!!!

Last Night

2010-01-04T15:43:00.004-05:00

It's about 5:45am here in Seoul. Ron is on his way to TomTom's down the street for some yummy made to order pretzels and coffee. We are up for the day and CAN'T WAIT FOR 9:30 TO ROLL AROUND!

After learning that we would not be meeting Eden yesterday we took out our Lonely Planet Guide to Seoul travel guide (which is great) and made plans for the rest of the day. With the snow we were looking for something to do indoors. We decided to go to the COEX Mall. I had not intended on visiting this mall prior to our trip but with the weather and because it is pretty close to where we are staying it looked like the best idea. We took the subway since there were still no cabs and the streets were still not plowed. It was insane. The subway was jam packed and we literally had to squeeze into the subway car. The mall was busy too. This mall was like no mall I have ever been to. Most of it is underground and it is HUGE. Our travel guide said it would be easy to get lost and they are so right. In addition to hundreds of stores this mall had a doctor's office, two dentist offices, a full grocery store, numerous hair salons, an aquarium, huge bookstore, a large 5 floor department store, huge food court and tons of restaurants, and a really cool area with people making and selling all different kinds of foods. This was the neatest place of the mall. I took video instead of pictures because it would be impossible to capture everything with a snap camera. They had so many yummy things to eat... gourmet waffles, gelatin, sushi, live octopus and other strange sea creatures, high stacks of seaweed, cakes that are mini works of art, and tons of stuff that I have never seen. It was incredible. Ron wants to go back.

I was soooo tired since I had woken up about 3:30 in the morning that day. I thought Ron was going to have to carry me back to the guest house. We tried staying up so that we wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night again. We put on some more of the Office but I was out after one episode.. which was about 8:30 I am guessing. Our internal clocks are getting better. We get waves of tiredness (is that a word?) and for the first two days I had a mild headache which I have heard of other travelers getting because of the time change. I have a feeling that we will finally be on schedule and it will be time to go back to Michigan. :)

Em... yes I got your text. My texting is off and on.... sometimes works. It is easier to email. Miss you!

Adrian... I am loving your texts! Mommy tried texting you back but it wouldn't go through. Let me know if you are reading this blog. I love you and miss you soooooo much. You make me smile just thinking about you. Congrats on winning your hockey game and your assist! You rock!

Luca... I love you and think about you every day! Daddy found a coffee shop down the street called Cafe' Luca! We found a shirt with Korean writing on it just like you asked for. Love you so much!

So far... no more snow. We leave in a few hours for our girl. I will write as soon as I can and post pictures!

Ron just came back with a newspaper (as a memento for today) and on the front page is a huge picture of the snowstorm from yesterday! Perfect! :0) The paper says it snowed 10 inches yesterday!!!!

New Meeting Scheduled

2010-01-04T01:28:00.003-05:00

Just heard from Eden's case worker. We are to meet her at 9:30 tomorrow morning and she will take us to Eden's foster family's home. I am disappointed that we can't see her today. Trying to not let it not ruin the rest of the day. We have just waited by the phone for the last 7 hours only to find out we will have to wait until tomorrow. What a waste of a day.

We are going to figure out some dinner plans.

Thanks for all of your support!!!

Mother Nature is a B%@#$- UPDATED

2010-01-03T19:10:00.004-05:00

So we are sitting here and it's about 30 minutes before we are to head out the door. Our cameras are packed, questions to ask Eden's foster mom are ready, toys are in the bag, and our gifts are all set. The phone rings and it is Eden's case worker. It has been snowing all morning pretty heavy. We are told that we will not be leaving this morning to go see her because the roads are too bad. We are now waiting for a call to find out when we can go. The waiting continues.

UPDATED
It is now 11:00 and we still have not heard from the case worker. It is still snowing. I am less and less hopeful that we will get to see Eden today. The snow has not let up, I have not seen one snowplow, and I have heard that there are no taxis running today because of the weather. We are just sitting here in our room watching The Office season two. Can't leave because we are waiting to hear if/when we will get to go. Good thing I brought some canned chicken, mayo, and Wheat Thins. We were starving.

As you can see from the pics it has snowed a lot more than 1-3 inches as the weather report said this morning. This is from our window in our room. You can't see the mountains or the tall buildings in the distance because of the snow. Getting board just sitting here.

Updated Again
It's now 2:00 and we still have not heard anything. It is snowing off and on. Stuck in this room.

Pics from yesterday

2010-01-03T15:14:00.008-05:00

After typing my post last night Ron and I decided that we needed to clean up our room, get the gifts in order, and watch a couple of movies. Well.... upon Ron's suggestion we decided to just lay down for 15 minutes before we started. Needless to say... we never got up! We fell asleep around 6:00 and woke up about 3:30. I stayed in bed until about 5:00 and then couldn't take it anymore and got up. Ron is now on his way to Duncan Doughnuts.

Here are some pictures from yesterday...

Leaving our house for the airport.

Leaving NY

After landing in Seoul.

Insadong

Our Korean barbecue.

We leave in 2 hours to meet our girl!!!

Love it here!

2010-01-03T02:02:00.004-05:00

We love Seoul! Wonderful people, great shopping, delicious food... what a great way to start off our trip. Everyone he is so amazingly friendly. We are still trying to get the hang of finding our way around. The subway is pretty easy but once you get off it's kind of confusing. Plus we were pretty unsure of ourselves so we kept double checking to see if we were going the right way. People would just walk up and ask us where we were going if we had out map out. One young woman walked us all the way from the subway to our destination about three blocks away. The city is super clean, modern, and is so picturesque with he mountains in the distance. I bet is is really beautiful in the summer. The cold is something that I have not experienced. I have seen many a cold day living in Michigan but this for some reason takes the cake. It is bone chilling cold. I knew it would be cold so I packed lots of layers and long johns, hat, gloves, scarf, etc. but the cold still takes your breath away. Once nice thing though is that the seats in the subway are heated (or the heaters are under the seats) and they feel sooo good!

The very first thing I noticed though after arriving is that I feel huge. I am not a very big person in the US, but here... I am bigger than the men. Everyone is sooo thin!!!!! The women are amazingly beautiful... Ron is loving it. :) They are just so thin and stylish with their black leggings and super high healed boots. I don't know how they can stand it with the cold and ice.

Also, it is so strange to not only be the only white people but to not even see ANYONE of another race. We have seen a few caucasion people but that is it. It is strange to stand out so much here.

This is kind of a rambling post and I am not going to edit it. I know I am jumping around but I am too tired right now to fix it. Just going to keep writing...

We napped for a while then went to Insadong. This is an outdoor shopping and eating area. They have some fun shops and some really expensive upscale shops too. We didn't buy too much today as we have two other shopping areas we want to hit and didn't want to spend all of our money the first day... I could have though! :) We ate at the first place we could find which wasn't anything special but we were sooooo cold we just went in not caring! We ordered a Korean beef barbecue and is was soooo good! I have been nervous about eating here since I am pretty picky and I packed a lot of food just in case. Ron asked if I was planning on living on granola bars and Wheat Thins for the next week and that was by backup plan. Anyway, the food was soooo great! We had no idea how the whole thing worked but the nicest lady helped us get started with making out beef at the table on this heated plate thing in the center of the table. It pretty much turned out to be some onions in some kind of marinade, the beef, and some other seasonings that you wrapped up in a leaf and ate. I tried some other salad looking stuff with red stuff on it and it was alright.. kind of spicy. Ron tried the kimchi and he said it was good. There were some other side dishes that neither of us could figure out. Overall it was a fun experience and I am so relieved that I know of one dish that I can order and like!

Oh, and the Korean phrase book I got is great! It's great to just point to what you are trying to say! Although many people here do speak some English, Ron and I agreed that it would have been really helpful if we had learned some basic Korean.

It's now 4:22 and we are back at SWS. We are tired and trying to thaw out from our time out today. I need to get our gifts ready for tomorrow and we plan on watching some of our new DVDs we got for Christmas. I want to get lots of rest for tomorrow!

We will be meeting at SWS at 9:30 and Eden's case worker will be taking us to Eden's foster family's home. Not sure when we will get to take her with us. I hope to find that out tomorrow.

Thanks so much for all of your comments! I find experiences are the most fun when they are shared with the people you care about. Thanks for letting me share this with you!

If I have the energy I will post some pics. Gotta go lay down now though.

We Are Here!!!

2010-01-02T18:02:00.003-05:00

We made it! I am sitting in our room here at the SWS guest house. The flight was great! Korean Air was wonderful. We managed to get a few house of sleep on the plane and are going to take a quick nap before heading out to do some exploring. The city was really pretty but it was dark so we didn't get to see much. It is FLIPPIN' COLD here though. We will see how long we last today!

Tomorrow we meet Eden!!!! Yippee!!!!!

I'll post more later!

We Leave ToMoRrOw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-31T10:27:00.001-05:00

Wow. I can't believe that we are actually leaving for Seoul tomorrow. I thought this day would never come.

I will be blogging from Seoul so you can follow along on our last leg of our journey to Eden.

Also, on the right hand side of this blog I have the date and time in Seoul.

Eden's clothes are washed and ready!

Dreaming of the day we will be sitting in that rocker. Won't be long now.

Toys ready to be played with.

I may have overdid it on the baby food.

Bags are packed!

Seoul here we come!!!

Getting Ready!

2009-12-28T12:56:00.009-05:00

Christmas was wonderful. We had such great times celebrating with family and here at home. I will post more on that later.

I have been busy each day getting ready for our big trip. We leave in 4 days... 4 STINKIN' DAYS! I can't believe it! One week from today we will have met our daughter for the first time. Still can't wrap my mind around that one either!!!!

I have one suitcase packed... all of Eden's things... clothes, bottles, diapers, food, toys, etc. I also have our gifts for Eden's foster family, case worker, SWS workers, and our donations for the babies. Already I think the luggage is too heavy. I have packed all of that in one smaller bag and put the smaller bag inside a larger bag so that we have plenty of room for souvenirs on the way back.

We will be staying at the SWS guest house during our visit. It is nothing fancy but I have heard great things about it. The guest house is for SWS families who are picking up their children or families who are there on a heritage trip with older children. We will be staying right at SWS. This is where all of the SWS workers work as well as where the babies live before going to their foster families. Eden will have lived here for two months. I can't wait to take pictures, thank the workers, and see the babies there too!

We have a plan for each day of our trip...

3rd... We will arrive on the 3rd with the long flight and time change. We will arrive in Incheon around 6:30am. We will head right to SWS and then go exploring. We will see how long we last. I have a feeling we will be very tired!

4th... We will be meeting Eden this day! I am not sure how long our meeting will be. I have heard that they are usually a couple of hours. Do you think she would mind if I just camped out for the day??? :) We will spend the rest of the day sight seeing in Seoul.

5th... This day we will also sight see, do some shopping, etc.

6th... We MAY be getting Eden this day. I will not know until we arrive at SWS. Being that we have a morning flight the next day there is a good chance that we will receive her this day. I am really hoping this is the case. I would like some time with her before having to take the plane ride home.

7th... We will head home. Uggggg... about a 17 hour flight.

7th... We gain a day so it will still be the 7th when we arrive home around 3:00.

Moving on...

I want to share some photos I received from someone I met online. There are some great pictures of Eden with her little guy as well as some other babies. I have cropped the other babies out so the quality in some of the pics isn't great. There are some pics of Eden at 3 months old which I love. What a beautiful little baby she was... and still is. Here are some of the pics I received...

Eden at 3 months.

Eden at 4 months.

Eden at 6 months.

Eden at almost 7 months.

Eden at 7 months.

Merry Christmas, Darling

2009-12-24T10:34:00.001-05:00

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas, darling
We`re apart, that`s true
But I can dream
And in my dreams
I`m Christmasing with you
Holidays are joyful
There`s always something new
But every day`s a holiday
When I`m near to you

The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
The logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too

I`ve just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you
Merry Christmas, darling

-Karen Carpenter

January 4, 2010, at 9:30am

2009-12-23T13:46:00.007-05:00

This is when I will meet my daughter for the first time. After so many years of waiting, wondering, dreaming... I now know. It is so surreal.

All families meet with their babies and foster families at least once for a short visit before the formal handing over. We will be meeting Eden at her foster family's home. Usually visits are about an hour or two long. I know it will be hard to leave her!!! This meeting is to help with the transition for the babies and foster families. We will then meet at SWS for a formal handing over ceremony on a separate day. This usually happens the night before families leave Seoul or the morning of the flight. Being that we have a morning flight out of Seoul, I think chances are good we will get her the afternoon before we leave. We won't find out when the handing over ceremony will be until we arrive in Seoul.

We will be departing Michigan around 5:00 and will fly into New York. We will have about a 5 hour layover and then leave for Seoul at 12:30am. We will then arrive in Seoul around 6:30am on January 3rd. Traveling to Seoul we will lose a day with the time difference. (Our flight back is sooo much better... no layovers and we gain a day) So that means we will meet Eden the day after we arrive! I am so glad we won't have to wait too long!

Em.. can you believe it??? Another 4... this is so weird.

In addition to Christmas madness... I have Eden packed, the house just about ready, car seats washed and ready to install, money exchanged into Korean money for the trip, all gifts for foster family and SWS workers purchased, and have started to put some things aside to pack for myself. Trying to stay on top of laundry, grocery shopping, house cleaning etc. because Ron's family will be staying here with the boys while we are gone. Busy Busy Busy!!!

Have to run!

Eden Sees Her New Family

2009-12-20T19:56:00.001-05:00

I received some pictures of Eden. She is wearing her funny hat which Ron loves. She is holding some of the pictures of us that I sent over to Korea. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest when I saw them! After I calmed down, I couldn't help but laugh when I saw her little face in these pictures! She has such a look of confusion/concern. I guess I will need to pack a few more goodies and toys for her to try and win her over!!!! :)

"Who??? What??? Where??? You mean I don't have a say in this???"

"Here look! You are sending me to live with them???"

Let The Countdown Begin!!!!

2009-12-18T13:33:00.002-05:00

Ron and I were up very late last night booking our airfare to Korea. TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY WE WILL BE ON OUR WAY TO PICK UP OUR SWEET ANGEL!!!! Booking a reasonable ticket for this time of year is next to impossible! We found one that works with our insane schedule and holidays, thank goodness! We will be leaving on January 1st and will arrive home January 7th. We don't have anything else figured out quite yet as far as where we are staying or what our schedule will be once we arrive in Korea but I will keep you posted!

TrAvEl CaLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-17T12:14:00.002-05:00

Just got the call about 45 minutes ago. Our precious baby girl is ready for us to go and pick her up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am in a state of shock and I think my social worker was too!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is faster than anyone imagined!!!!! Don't have any travel dates yet. I am FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Update From Korea

2009-12-16T09:37:00.012-05:00

Our Eden is now 18 pounds. She is eating baby food... rice porridge with spinach, potatoes, meat and walnut... yum. She also has crushed apples, pears, tangerines and persimmons. She is now sometimes sleeping through the night! She sleeps from about 9:00 till 6:00... oh boy... an early riser. Her foster mother lays her down with a pacifier to sleep at night and carries her while patting her bottom to put her to sleep during the day. She likes a dark and silent room for sleeping and "is very sensitive to sounds, so she wakes up immediately when she hears noise while sleeping"... this will be a problem. She takes a bath at night and "wants to be in the bath tub for a long time and enjoys splashing in the water." She rolls over and over on both sides and sits alone. She plays sitting on the floor for a long time. She crawls everywhere using her knees and pulls to stand up holding on to furniture. She likes listening to music and enjoys playing with a cellular phone that makes sounds. She also enjoys opening drawers. She recognizes her foster family and smiles to them. She likes to be with people and "playing with young girls"... let's hope she likes young boys too! When tickled she laughs and makes eye contact well. She likes going outside and being held on her foster mother's back. She is now cutting teeth and "drools a lot."

Her case worker also added...
"Sei-in is almost eight months old, very cute and lovely baby girl. She is so curious and clever and active. She is now getting very well under the foster family's love an affection. I do hope she is going to meet her adoptive parents soon and grow up happily and brightly in their love and concern."

Three Months

2009-12-15T16:16:00.006-05:00

Today marks three months since I saw my daughter's beautiful face for the first time. We are in the home stretch and I am expecting "the" call anytime now telling us that we can go and pick her up. SWS has been moving things along very quickly. The quickest I have seen is 4 days from the P3 being sent. I have seen a few other SWS families get the call within two weeks of P3... but you never know.

We are about to enter the ninth month since starting our Korean adoption and just like a pregnancy I sure can feel it. This is the point in my last two pregnancies where I felt like I really couldn't take it anymore. The sleepless nights, the "nesting", the preoccupation with everything baby, the let's get on with it already feeling. Just like a pregnancy, knowing that I will soon be holding my baby that I have been dreaming about for so long is exhilarating, comforting, and completely terrifying at the same time. I am nervous about the final meeting with her foster family. I know it will be emotional and painful. I am nervous about making sure I am doing the right thing for our grieving daughter. Sure, I have taken the classes and read the books... but as with so many things in life... until you are living it you don't really know what it's like. I am already losing sleep over going back to work after she comes home. The guilt is all consuming at times. I am nervous how this change will impact my boys, especially my current "baby" who is very much a Mommy's boy. I worry that I will not be good enough and I think that is normal... which is what I keep telling myself anyway. At times I am sure that someone in Korea will realize that this was all a big mistake and that there is no way they are going to let this sweet baby leave the country. So along with all of the joy, excitement, anticipation, and sometimes fear... I also have these illogical thoughts which tend to plague me too. Add the fact that I could get the call at any moment and just like when your water breaks with a pregnancy... all plans go out the window and we will be frantically figuring out the logistics for travel, childcare, work, etc. So if you see me and I have a crazed look about myself, if I jump about 10 feet in the air when my phone rings, if I have dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, or if I seem off in another world... it's just that it's the 9th month... and I'm in labor.

Packet 3 Sent

2009-12-14T08:51:00.003-05:00

The last step of the US side of the process is now complete. Our Packet 3 was sent from the embassy to SWS this morning (or last night while we slept... Korean time) and now we wait for SWS to send it back to the embassy. If the Korea side is all complete then we should get a call soon. There is no way for me to track the Korean side of the paperwork. I can track when the P3 will be returned and when her visa interview is scheduled though. I will keep you posted!

An Early Christmas Gift

2009-12-11T10:04:00.003-05:00

This morning I received an email from someone I met online who is adopting a little boy from Korea. Her son is from the same Korean agency (SWS) as our Eden. She is in Korea now to pick up her son. Before she left she said that she would be on the look out for our daughter. Sometimes foster families need to bring the babies to SWS for different appointments. Well, I received an email from her this morning that I never dreamed I would get....

"Today we met with our son and his foster mother gave us a bunch of pictures.... your daughter's foster mother and my son's foster mother would get the two kids together to play quite regularly. I have pictures from July of the two kids together. When I get back to the states, I will send you copies.

Just thought I'd share my nice surprise with you! I hope things are progressing along and you'll be able to travel soon!"

Can you believe it???? Eden will have been three months old in these pictures. Younger in the photos than the ones we currently have. This is so wonderful!!!!!

NVC OUT!!!!!!

2009-12-08T15:03:00.002-05:00

Our file was logged out of the National Visa Center and forwarded to the Embassy in Seoul! Another step DONE! Can't believe it!!!! I can't believe we are down to the final steps on our timeline!!!!